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Getting back to your question of what it looks like. If there's lots of money, it looks just fine and dandy, and Adult Protective Services never gets called because the person who doesn't wear shoes is considered "eccentric". If there's no money, it looks and smells horrible. If there's some money, it's just plain hard because they are squeezed of every last cent before qualifying for assistance.
You will run out of spots to put grab bars - trust me when I say that we did.
Falls will happen more frequently. Nutrition will decline; personal hygiene will too. Their brain will turn to mush as they withdraw from engaging with their community and people their own age. Depression, anxiety, and mental illness may set in. They may become reckless, and drive or take risks to assert themselves and their self determination. They may get scammed out of money.
USA is no place for old people who never prepared themselves for being old.
"run out of spots to put grab bars" Dad is arranging another one in the shower next week!
The trifecta of depression, anxiety & mental illness already live there... I think it may be MY mind that goes to mush very soon :)
My folks aged at home until it was almost too late. They refused any help and I was about to turn them over to the state but mom finally had the big fall and I moved her from the hospital to assisted living and then moved dad a few days later. There was no way to keep them home at that point even if we’d had the money for 24/7 in home care. They had a tiny house, tiny barely functional bathroom and the whole place was falling down despite my efforts to fix everything.
People just live too damn long these days. Outlive their money and any quality of life. My mom had 5 bad years and then 5 horrible years of falls, pain, sickness and depression. Those 10 years were made possible by all the modern meds and surgeries that are now available. But what ya gonna do? Deny mom and dad heart meds?! I’m tough but not that tough.
Mom died over a year ago. Dad is wasting away in a memory care facility, he gets good care but it’s not life. He’s 89, excellent vitals, eats, poops, sleeps, repeat.......Good lord. How much longer....
Ive been hanging around this forum off and on for a few years now. I’ve read the hundreds of nightmare live in caregiver horror stories. New waves coming in regularly. People totally unprepared and caught off guard. Promised to never put mama in a nursing home. How do I convince dad he can’t drive.......I was a rookie too a few years ago. But I read articles on this site. Took some good advice from people and acted on it. This forum can be frustrating at times but it sure saved my ass on more than one occasion.
its clear to me that careing for very old and disabled people in their/your home hardly ever works unless you have some very deep pockets which most of us don’t. The Bush And Kennedy families can do this. Probably have full time docs and intensive care units on site at the family estate. Most others......How can I get someone to fix the plumbing and put in grab bars for free?? If your asking those kinds of questions home care is not an option for your family.
And as long as I’m ranting a bit, I’d like to see shorter and more direct responses to questions. Fill out your profile so people can see your basic situation. Then you don’t have to repeat your caregiving history in every post. (Oops. I just did that here....)
I think it is an evil plan by the government to kill off many of the boomer caretakers before SS runs out. HaHa.
You sound like a very strong & determined person - all the best!
I am breathing easier already :)
My heart goes out to you for the journey you're still on. We just can't prevent it all. Just share the path & offer kindness I suppose.
I have a relative who is considering taking care of her father instead of finding her own place. My advice was to go to the key rack on the wall and take the keys to the truck and move her stuff to a cute apartment. She is too young to ruin her life. Her mother is running a huge guilt trip on her so she has not left yet.
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