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At this stage of dementia, it's not about what your mother 'wants' but what she needs and what is the safest option for her. So many people think it's no big deal to care for dementia patients, and boy, they're in for a rude awakening! Most of us are not equipped to be 24/7 caregivers, that's for sure (me included).
Melatonin can work as a sleep aid..........ZZZquil is better, I have found. Even a half of a Zzzquil may knock her out to the point where she can sleep thru the night. She may be a little groggy in the morning, but to me, that's preferable to wandering out the front door!
Best of luck!
Get bolt locks that you place high up out of her reach. Have you tried Melatonin for sleep?
Make sure that the neurologist has you on a cancellation list.
If she begins acting out, call 911 and have her taken to the ER. Refuse to bring her home and work with the social workers to get her placed
Why is your husband against having care aids come into the home? Is it because he thinks if you get care in, she will never leave? Or is it that he does not like strangers in your home? If the latter, please put your foot down and tell him it is to help you. Can you imagine the problems you may face in the future, if he is unwilling to have care aids in the home, should either of you need care?
Your Mum has ALZ, she does not get to choose where she lives. It is up to you to ensure she gets the care she needs, but it definitely does not have to be in your home or hands on care provided by you or your husband.
It is no longer what she wants, it is about what she needs...for her care. I would place her in MC.
Do you have her Durable POA? If not, I would take care of that as soon as possible. Then you can have a say in her well-being.
Your first responsibility is to your husband, not your mother. She has lived her life on her own terms, and you need to do this too.
If she needs assistance apply for Medicaid, if not, then she will be self pay.
Good Luck!
As for the move to a memory care or nursing home - I can pretty much guarantee you that nobody living in one was jumping for joy at the thought of moving there but unfortunately they are a necessity.