By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I see where you asked a similar question recently. That is OK, I completely understand. This is a difficult time for all of you. I see your mother has only been in a nursing home for a year. After being a caregiver for so long, I suspect you all are still getting used to the fact that she is there.
What a monumental feat it must have been to be able to keep her in her own home for all those years! Congratulations to you all and to your mother! I can only imagine as my parents qualified for a nursing home while in their late 70’s, though we managed to keep them home for 7 or 8 years more.
I used to mourn the fact that other people had still vibrant parents in their 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. I had to get over that and accept what was.
I agree with other posters about not telling her. We recently had an estate sale of my parents’ house contents and sold the house. The money will be used for their care in a nursing home where they share a room. I think my father has an idea of what has happened and why, but my mother still operates under the delusion that she can return home and take care of them both. The other day she asked my older brother to take her out to see the house (which he didn’t do). She may understand more than we think. In any case, we just deflect any questions she has about the house. We have tried to make their room as homey as we could, but we all are still getting used to the situation.
You mention guilt. It seems that guilt is a common emotion in the caregiving journey as we try to buttress up a life that is becoming more and more debilitating. I remember feeling guilt even when they still lived at home and we were all scrambling to cover shifts caring for two people who needed 24/7 care in a house that was aging as well. On this side of it all, I am coming to realize that some of what I understood as guilt was actually regret, but it was regret over a lot of things that I had no power to change.
Yes, I can see how your mother gets some consolation in knowing she still has her home, that it gives her a sense of independence and control to imagine that she could return, but of course it is a delusion. I think we all suffer from the delusion that our houses and belongings can give us security. I see no harm in letting her maintain the delusion, especially when you are dealing with someone with dementia or other mental diminished capacity. For now, that is our plan.
There is nothing to be gained from upsetting this lady about her house. A little fibbing will save her lots of stress over the house.
I’ve been finessing my folks care for the last couple of years with therapeutic fibs. There’s no shame in a little fib or withheld info to keep folks calm and happy. I’m in the process of selling the house currently but all they know is I’m taking care of it.
As to how to get your sibs on board, I don’t know. It just seems like common sense to me to keep the waters calm.