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The next day, my DH says 'apparently Thingo has moved in with his Mother. He thinks she may be getting a bit of Dementia'. You don't say?
We just have to laugh & roll with the punches.
I also vote for a shower Aide. Amazing how they will be talked into it by someone else. Seen it many many times.
If you can not get mom to wash her hands often you can use hand sanitizer or there are hand wipes. (not all wipes are good for skin contact so please read the packages)
Do not put extra food on the table if someone wants another serving they can either get it themselves or you can get up and serve more.
If you do have food on the table have utensils for everything. Tongs for rolls, and other firm items.
For a buffet type meal seat her in a place where it will be a bit more difficult for her to get up then serve her.
And remember she is not "stubborn and pouty now, it is that her brain does not process what is going on. And dad might be next. Or he will develop other what I like to call "quirks"
This will not get better, it will not get easier