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What do you mean by "less tolerant"?
Have you crossed over to the antonyms of tolerant?
ANTONYMS FOR tolerant:
Which are....
conservative
intolerant
mean
merciless
unfriendly
unsympathetic
biased
disapproving
narrow-minded
prejudiced
Don't most people act different in the presence of an outsider?
Your said father does, and does this also happen to you?
Maybe in the presence of a third person, you feel empowered to stand up to him more. Just guessing, I wonder about this myself. I wonder about the dynamics of what is really going on, why I change.
I really don't have an answer.
However, if I had a helper lady around for a day, I would make myself scarce, maybe leave, and leave them to it. You could probably use the respite?
Just musing along with you here. Your guess is probably better than ours but it is an interesting observation.
You may be feeling stressed and want someone to talk to yourself. You may be saying by your actions with the caregiver witnessing you, see what I have to put up with?! You may need a little caring for yourself.
You may want the caregiver to know that you know what your dad is up to, that you see him.
Maybe you are the same with her present but dad is different. Mom has someone else there for her. It may be an adjustment for him. It may make him focus more on you and what you are doing and you aren’t comfortable with that.
We have to release the angst on a regular basis. Step away and squeeze out the sponge of all you have absorbed. Hit a few balls, Walk briskly, do some push ups or meditate, garden or anything to release the vibes you are absorbing. They are toxic to your health. It’s not your dad so much as it is your dad’s energy plus your energy is not always a good combo.
The dynamics of a relationship are always different when another person joins in.
Good that you noticed.
Or maybe when the lady helper is there, your dad acts differently?
Sometimes, we try to put on our best in front of others, but it's exhausting after awhile. So, relax, and cut your dad some slack.
Just curious - can your parents not afford this caregiver? If they have money in the bank or investments, this is what it's for. Your money is for you.
Mentally speaking, father is doing just fine.
Our parents' financial situation isn't good enough to afford a caregiver, too.