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I would move at once and allow your friend to access the system for her care in future. This is neither a caregiver relationship nor a friend relationship, but it will stymie and put a stop to your life ongoing.
Make other arrangements for job and room and move. Do give your friend a time in which to arrange for care, say a month. Let her know that in a month you will be out and on your way, will remain a friend, but not a caregiver or "roommate".
Find another job.
Tell your friend you don't mind helping her, but she is taking advantage of the situation.
I have a few questions to put the situation in perspective:
1. Do YOU want to continue in this relationship (a) if you aren't going to receive any payment and (b) recognize that she likely isn't going to change her position? And if she declines physically and in health? Did you enter this relationship as a lifetime commitment?
2. If so, then I think you are going to have to make the accommodations, as she doesn't seem interested. And her staunch position now could be indicative of future positions if other disagreements arise. That's something to seriously consider, especially if she deteriorates and needs additional help.
3. Perhaps the first thing you should do is establish what a comparable position would pay. Your profile doesn't indicate any area, so we have no idea what going rates are for where you live. You'll have to do that research yourself.
So do some research and locate care companies in your area that provide 24/7 care. And remember that an agency would likely provide 3 different people, each for one shift, as opposed to one live-in person. The rates would include overhead though, so there won't be a 1:1 comparison basis.
4. For programs that could help, contact the local city or township, county, or state agencies. This will require some research, but it's something you'll need to do. We can't do that for you, especially since we don't know your health, age or financial situation (nor would we want to have all that personal information shared online). Be sure to consider your own health care, as at some point it may change.
5. Is this woman a Veteran? If so, she should get in touch with the VA to find out what she may qualify for, and you also should research the VA's programs to see if you can qualify for assistance as her caregiver.
6. Ideally, the relationship and financing should have been addressed before you moved in, and a care contract should have been executed between the two of you.
7. Calculating what your compensation should have been for the last 4 months and forward isn't something we should be doing, in part b/c we don't have all the details.
You must be compensated for your work. Even if "Free rent" were possible in exchange for the 24/7 care you provide is a gross underpayment. Figure what rent would be for a 1 room (where I live a 1 bedroom apartment, that means you would have your own bathroom and a kitchen is a bit over $1200 a month /more or less depending on where/.) Would you work, doing all that you do for $40.00 a day?
Tell your "friend" that you will be moving out. Give her a date and start looking for an apartment.
the "program" that will help you is YOU.
Chalk up what you have learned in the past 3 or 4 months as valuable and use that to get a job as a caregiver if you want to do that type of work.
Give notice when something comes through. You don’t owe her anything. She owes you!
Personally, I would make a clean break with her if you leave because she hasn’t been a good friend or employer to you.
I am not telling you what to do. You have to come to your own conclusions as to what is best for you.
It can’t be easy for you to stick around. She doesn’t realize that if you don’t treat others with respect and appreciation that they will not respect or appreciate her. If she does realize, then she simply doesn’t care.
Wishing you all the best. If you do accept a new ‘live in’ caregiver position make sure that you will also receive a salary.
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