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At that point you absolutely spring into action, so be ready. You refuse 100 percent to bring him home, stating over and over that it would be an unsafe discharge. The hospital and social workers may threaten you, shame you, or make promises for help but stand your ground. Follow your heart and be true to what you know is right for him.
Are you enrolled in Hospice care?
Do you have POA for finances and healthcare?
In the end, we lied to mom and told her everything was being paid for my Medicare.
Do you have Hospice services?
YOU are not the a$$hole here. You are having anticipatory grief at losing your dad. He needs a higher level of care than you ALONE can give him.
Is it possible he's got metastasis to the brain and he's not thinking clearly?
If he is still clear-headed, I might consider telling him he has a choice--move to a facility or hire caregivers. Because YOU aren't going to destroy your health over this.
Please ask him what he's saving the money for.
AND consider talking to a social worker (through hospice or not) to get you into problem solving mode. (((((Hugs)))))))
He has esophaeal cancer with mets to the lungs and liver. We have a scan next week to show if it has progressed further. He will never agree to hospice. He already told the Dr last week that if the scan shows this chemo is not working he definitely wants to go onto step 2. He refuses to give up which of course is a good thing but with this cancer it is just heartbreaking to watch!!
After his fall yesterday, I did tell him he has 2 choices, pay out of pocket for additional home health aide hours or go into a nursing facility (which the VA covers for him). He just ignored me and said he'd be fine. It is maddening. I feel as though I am losing my mind:-(
Caregivers have to be the ones to set the limits.
Let your dad know that the caregiver is there so you can work and not worry about him.
Have you had your dad evaluated by his MD for hospice care? It may be time and if he is on Medicare (I am not sure about Medicare Advantage), they will pick up the cost (or most of it).
Give yourself a pat on the back, know that you're not an a****** but are allowed a****** moments.
Hugs to you. We got your back.
Tynagh
https://www.caregiver.va.gov/
I have called and spoken to them and they’ve been very helpful. They very much understand what you are going through. They can help arrange respite for you as well.
Also, the Elizabeth Dole foundation (https://hiddenheroes.org/find-help/respite/) provides grants for caregiver respite as well. It’s easy to apply for and could be a good option if your dad won’t spend money to help you get a break. You cannot give up your life completely! Be frank with him about the burden you are feeling. If he really is of sound mind he must be able to understand your struggle. Best of luck to you.
Good Luck and please keep us updated.