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Was this ever considered to be a permanent thing by you? If not this is what you say.
"Since living at Mom's was not a permanent thing, I have finally found a place I can afford. Living at Moms has given me time to get back on my feet and I appreciate that. I will be moving out on ________. " I don't even see why you need to give 30 days. Your not a tenant, as such. She was on her own before you moved in, she can be on her own after you move out. Maybe at least 2 weeks. You can be there for her if you want but you don't have to live with her.
Maybe you can get a list together of agencies in your County that maybe able to help Mom if she needs it. Office of Aging for one. Even APS can help but start with O of A. Put down how u have ordered her food. Maybe you can continue to do that from afar. Medicaid number in case she needs an aide and fits the income criteria.
If siblings have stepped back, then they really cannot condemn you for doing the same. No one needs to take abuse physically or verbally.
I agree with Geaton. Don’t engage in any right or wrong conversation with siblings or close friends or neighbors of your moms or even your mom.
Do that here on the forum if you feel the need. Much safer.
Its a dynamic difficult to explain or understand but it is easier to care for a non relative in many cases than our own elders. We take exception to what is said, we believe we see meaning where none is meant or where another (unrelated) person might not feel the sting so deeply. We have unfinished business. A flash point sometimes that simply wouldn’t be there so quickly with a stranger. And of course stacks of books written on the mother daughter relationship and also how elders lose their filters.
At the time you moved in, you were emotionally bruised (assuming) from your divorce.
So I would dig deep, thank mom for the open door. It’s now time for you to spread your wings again and seek your fortune type of explanation. This way she can feel good about her story as to why you moved out and may not want to trash you....or be seen as the aggressor that she is.
Keep it simple and aboveboard.
If you go over a script in your mind and on paper to refer to, you will be better prepared for any phone calls you might receive trying to guilt you into staying. “I have to take care of me now. Wish me luck”.
“It’s been hard on mom, having me here. I am ready to take the next step”. Don’t let yourself get emotional and lose it.
Your siblings know who their mother is if not how difficult a time you have had with her.
I think the notice is fair due to your mom’s age and her propensity to find fault.
Some have even suggested that the one moving out contact Area on Aging or APS to report a vulnerable elder living alone if you feel she is vulnerable. Once you’ve had some distance between you, the desire to see her or check on her might return. A journal will help you process this time and help guide you in the future. Not to dwell on it but to release the pain.
I’m sorry you are having such a tough time. Wishing you all the luck.
Remember, go get out while the getting's good.
Have you been paying your share of costs during the time you have lived with her? Because people will think that you have been using her if you have not and they will be inclined to believe her words.
You do not have to leave in a huffy, it can be done cordially, with a plan and smiles, even if you have to fake it. Thank you for allowing me to move into your home in my hour of need, smile, I am so grateful for all you have done for me. Here is my new address, I look forward to seeing you when I am all moved in and settled. Bye bye!
People will believe whatever they want too, regardless of the truth. You can not stay because you worry about what others will think.
Go find a place to live and move before you become a statistic.