By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
If you place Mom in a care center, you feel guilty that your couldn't do a perfect job of it at home. If you keep her home in spite of your shortcomings as a caregiver, you'll feel guilty that you haven't placed her where she will get care and attention from people who have chosen caring for elders as a career. There is no perfect answer. Placing Mom is objectively the best you can do so it has to be good enough.
Whether to visit Mom in the first week or two is a controversial subject. What does the care center advise? After the initial adjustment period visit her often. Play cards with her. Bring in some pages and crayons and color with her. Go to bingo with her a time or two, and then let her go on her own (unless she needs help -- the facility will have volunteers to help her, but if it is convenient helping her yourself might be a good use of visiting time.) I think you will find it more pleasant to interact with Mom when you are not responsible for her hands-on care. You'll still need some patience, of course, but the pressure is off.
My mother absolutely thrived in the nursing home, much to the family's great surprise. Family had taken care of her until her dementia and mobility both got beyond us. After a somewhat rocky adjustment period, she went through the final two years of her life content. I'm so glad we placed her in that comforting environment!
But bottom line - aside from being impatient- do you believe you have or are going to do something bad or wrong? Do you believe your mother will receive better care in a professional caregiving setting?
If you believe you’ve done the right thing - there is nothing to feel guilty about.
Certainly, it is understandable that you would feel badly - how this has turned out for your mother. It’s a sad situation. But please try to separate guilt from feeling bad.
It may be a bit of splitting hairs - thinking about it this way but I do believe it’s important to know the difference.
You have done nothing wrong. In fact, placing mom where she’ll get round the clock care from professional caregivers is the right thing to do - especially if you find yourself getting impatient or short tempered with her.
Wouldn’t it be great to just get back to being a loving, generous, well-rested daughter?
As for the guilt, when it comes to elder care, it seems no matter what we do, we still beat ourselves up saying we didn't do enough.... and all the "what ifs", and "why didn't I's".
Be relieved that you have found a place for Mom, a place where this isn't their first rodeo, who have been on this journey many times over and knows what works best for the resident. Mom has to learn to adjust to her "new home", so keep the visits limited.
Another way of thinking about it, would you have chosen "caregiving" as a career, taking care of others? Probably no,, thus you were placed into a "job" where you had very little training, and no mentor to help guide you way. Let the pros handle it now.
And once Mom is in her "new home", try to get a good night sleep.