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Help your friend become familiar with Uber and other options that are available. Free ride services to doctors and such. Is he a member of a church that has volunteers that would help out?
He must trust you a great deal. I am surprised he told you. My mom told me too, maybe a sign that he is ready to give up driving but needs help to figure out solutions.
Are you and your friend part of a wider social circle? Do you know other people who know him, perhaps who are closer to him than you are?
How essential is driving to his current lifestyle?
You are right to be alarmed by this, because not being able to navigate even very familiar, habitual routes is a text-book early warning sign of dementia. Is there any possibility you might persuade him to quit while he's ahead, look for other ways of getting about so that he can retire with his good driving record intact?
Thank you all for the feedback and great suggestions!
Have you ridden with him recently to observe his driving generally?
Offer to go with him to his doctor to discuss recent experience and any episodes in or out of the car when he has lost his way, felt dizzy, lost his balance, had cognitive difficulties (e.g., confusion, serious forgetfulness, not understanding directions, difficulty planning, etc.) Does he show symptoms of UTI (often mental in the elderly), TIA (mini-stroke)?
Anticipating that doctor(s) may recommend he stop driving, could you find out about alternative means of transportation available to him?
Hopefully with your help he will make the decision to stop driving now and ease into a new way of getting around, and avoid the trauma of an accident and/or having his keys taken away from him suddenly.
Good luck!
I don't know how close a friend this is? Were I you I would simply ask him for coffee or lunch and I would say "Last time we were together you mentioned getting lost a few times, and it seems to me that you were a little concerned. Are there any other things that are of concern to you? As we age we all get a bit confused and forgetful, for instance, about things we put away and cannot find. You can ask him to do the old "clock test" for you on a napkin: "Can you draw me a clock set at 12:30? Or is something like that getting more difficult".
You can ask him if these things are of enough concern to him that he would like to discuss them with his doctor and get a "baseline" testing to compare in future.
He may be against this and he may say "Oh, I just mentioned it. I am not concerned". If that is the case I would back away. You aren't family. Anything else would be intrusive I think. But you can leave him with "If you ever change your mind I am here; I would be happy to go with you for any tests or anything. Just let me know".
It was at age 85 that my brother had his accident. I think it is a hard way to learn and luckily no one else was injured. He said he had several warning signs he ignored. I fear this is most commonly the way of it. I do not know why there is not mandatory testing after age 75 or 80.
In the meantime, if you are willing and able, you can offer to drive him to any regular appointments. This is what some awesome neighbors do for my 2 very senior aunties in FL. They enjoy each other's company and my aunties thank them by treating them to lunches and dinners.
A friend of mine was out of the country when her very senior mother who was back home, who lives with her and has been totally capable of just about every function, got lost on the way to the vet to pick up her dog. She was "lost" for over 14 hours calling my friend in Nicaragua. It did not even occur to the mother to stop and ask for directions or take a taxi home even though she had the money and her address was plainly on her driver's license. So, others who have suggested that a smartphone would have helped, I don't think so because it's not just about getting lost, it's about confusion and loss of cognitive functions like logic and problem-solving, an indicator of bigger impending issues for your neighbor.
My aunt had an appt. forgot where she left the car. That was the end of her driving. police/DMV pulled her license, she forgot to show up for the "meeting."
So, things happen, try to have another source set up for him, city ride or something... It would be horrific if he forgot he was driving...Does he live alone? He may need to be placed in AL
Just wanted to share my experience(s):
My Mom (at the time 81 yrs) drove down to the Walmart early afternoon. Next thing she remembers is going down this dirt road and stopping the car. She didn't get out and sat there till it got dark. She could hear the coyotes in the distance. When it got dark, she could see the city lights in the distance and turned the car around. She was almost out of gas and stopped at the nearest gas station. Fortunately for us we were already out looking for her and my sister spotted her as she got out of the car. I assume that she had driven into someone's property on the outskirt of town. Thank God she thought about turning the car around or she would of probably be there maybe days till someone found her. She has not driven since.
My Dad insisted on driving for quite a while before we realized he had a problem (he was 87). My Mom would not let us know until she was starting fear for her life. He was going down one way streets, side swiping cars parked on the side of the road, getting lost, almost hitting a pedestrian while he was trying to park at the mall. I couldn't take the keys from him fast enough. Yep, he could of killed himself, my mom, and others. How could I live with that!
Two high school brothers got hit by an elderly man while coming home from an all day fishing trip. The brothers died. That was tragic. They were friends of the family.
An elderly women walked away from her family at a flea market and here we are almost three years later and it looked like she just vanished.
I'm glad he shared his concern with you. After about a year my Dad started telling me that something was wrong with him. Of course by then we already knew that Alzheimer's had set in. It's hard for people to reach out for help. They may try to down play it. I'm glad you took it seriously.
Hopefully his family will be contacted and take care of him. If they don't an agency or his doctor (if known) will help.
God Bless You!
I feel they should have to do a driving tests and take a written test too. It’s dangerous for them and dangerous for other passengers on the road.