By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I think as caregivers we isolate ourselves to a degree even more than the care giving requires. Often too tired or feeling unable to attend community events we might otherwise enjoy with our disabled LO. At this point my Mom can still stay at home alone most of the time, but I still feel tied to my phone when I'm out since she calls when she has issues and security system alerts (like the panic button) register on my phone.
I'm very lucky to have an older brother that joins Mom and I almost every week for Sunday luncheon. We talk 2-6 hours about events in the extended family, current events, politics, and sports. I would encourage you to make the effort to cook a "Sunday dinner" and invite someone over to enjoy it with you. When my brother can't make it, I often invite neighbors.
A few suggestions:
Get out of the house anytime you can - even if you take your mother with you. I use online shopping a lot. Walmart's groceries pickup is great - they load the groceries into your car. About once a week we drive into "town" and pickup a meal from a drive through. Mom and I both love a good hamburger and there's always coupons available to make it a good deal! Certainly there comes a point when it's a real effort to get our LO "ready" to go anywhere. My mother still has good mobility and we don't get "ready" for a lot of our drives. We just get in the car and go on short trips around the neighborhood where Mom doesn't get out of the car. If I absolutely cannot use a drive through, I park where I can observe Mom in my car from inside the business.
Use facebook and email to keep in touch with family and friends. I will see posts about a grandkid's birthday and write an email to my cousin asking about the family.
I have always enjoyed reading, but never more so than now. Reading transports me into a different world whenever I have a few minutes.
Maintain a small vegetable or flower garden. Sit on the porch or under a tree and enjoy looking at the garden/flowers/trees.
Visit extended family and your mother's friends with your mother. My family has an extended family luncheon (mostly first cousins once removed) monthly at a local restaurant. Some of us have already lost parents after caring for them and some (like me) are currently caring for parents. If my mother asks the same question a couple of times, everyone understands and lets it pass. I know a lot of Mom's friends and some of their families from my childhood church. They are all older (late 80s) and don't get out much so they love it when Mom and I come calling (usually with some cake/cookies and a jug of sweet tea). You will enjoy the social contact of your mother's friends more than you may think before you start these visits. I've also enjoyed getting to know some of Mom's first cousins that she talked about but didn't visit that much when I was younger.
Water walking is an exercise Mom and I can still enjoy together at the local community center. After exercise we pick up a cone at dairy queen.
We visit parks and watch the kids playing or ducks swimming around a pond. Occasionally we just drive through Mom's childhood neighborhood.
I hope some of these suggestions are helpful. I know a lot of them won't be to people who have LOs that cannot transfer or travel even short distances easily.
PS: For those concerned with keeping a vehicle clean while transporting someone with incontinence or dropping issues, good floor mats and seat covers over a pad that can be removed and tossed in the washing machine works well - for our older folks and the grandkids!
Even though they may be well-intentioned, friends and family can’t be counted on to bail us out. They don’t want to hear what we have to say about caregiving because frankly, it’s not their problem. My kids very seldom ask how their father is. My son has helped out, but he has his own life and a new baby. My daughter has two jobs and is raising two boys with special needs. We need to take care of ourselves too as well as our loved one. Find something you love to do and do it while Mom is napping. I read or knit.
Come me back here often. This is a great site for help, venting and ranting. There are many, many people who care a whole lot here.