By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
#2 You take time off for trip.
#3 You inform parents of departure and return dates. Tell, don’t ask. Minimize discussion.
#4 Together you leave on trip.
#5 Observe parental fallout. When you return, how did they manage?
If you do not take the trip because of them, then surely he will have to acknowledge the problem. Big, ugly talk needed.
Ever ask them how their own parents coped while they were gallivanting about?
It's actually very selfish of his parents to think otherwise.
Until you and your husband are on the same page I would certainly not retire or cut your clientele in half, only to find yourself now at his parents beck and call as well.
Time for an honest, heart to heart talk with your husband and be open about your concerns. They are valid, and are not selfish. It's his parents who are selfish and perhaps even your husband if he's willing to put them before you and your future together as husband and wife.
I wish you the very best in getting hubby on the same page.
Married to a loving, dedicated to family guy. A great guy.
You married him - not his parents. Four in a marriage is way too crowded.
The loving family, yet enmeshed, parents becoming needier with aging. This happens. Just wait until real illness strikes too! He moves them in without your say.. or goes to be their live-in man-servant.
Occasionally I get whiffs of this cake being prepared... you have that cake already cooked, decorated & plated up! Served daily. Forever. Or..
Marriage counselling. Stat.
Husbands sometimes need a third party to explain the facts of life. That choosing parents over wife = a single man.
Be very careful. You're already providing a level of socialization and entertainment that they could provide for themselves. Why don't they? Probably because husband is always ready, they know he'll satisfy their every need. This will get worse.
You could have an honest conversation with the parents and tell them that more travel is in your future. "But what will WE do?" they will say. And you say that maybe they'd enjoy life in a retirement community to fill the gap that you're no longer able to fill for them. Frankly, I don't see why they'd be happy hanging out at your house so often. Or why they wouldn't want to have friends their own age to have fun with.
It isn't selfish to want the best for yourself. If you wait for parents to die before you travel, you may never go. They could outlive you! Or you could be too sick to go - it only takes a heart attack or a stroke to stop ease of travel.
Where are your H's siblings?
You do know that your H doesn't have to be available to provide care, either, right? Is part of the plan that you retire so that you can help him provide an increasing amount of care to his parents?
I’m fairly sure there won’t be a win-win here, but to other readers, let this be a cautionary tale: start heading off any clinging parental behavior EARLY ON (like, maybe, the minute you get married!) Don’t start doing things you don’t want to do, period. Deflect. Go Gray Wall. Learn to say, “Sorry, can’t do that!”
You got married, so you married into a family that has problems that can be managed. It's up to you to set your rules.
I remained single, mostly because of my own disability problems. I may have to live alone, but I do not have to get into trouble dealing with in-laws.
Set up a weekly dinner with them. Bring it over or take them out. Make the time to help with their little problems either before or after. Lots of hugs and see you next week. Daily phone calls to check in are fine, but daily visits mean they are no longer able to be independent. It may be time to look for a change of living arrangements for his parents, and NOT into your home.
Loving AND common sense.