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Sorry for the grief you're going through. Because that's what it is: grief. Grief that you can't stop your mom's decline. Here's what I've observed: Children of aging parents feel guilt no matter what they do. If they care for their parents in-home, they eventually feel guilty for the burnout that occurs when the caretaking starts to overwhelm them. And in many, (perhaps most?) cases there comes a time when your parent's needs exceed what you can humanly provide. Some caregivers are aged themselves, compromising their own health to provide hands-on care, giving up employment, time otherwise spent with kids and grand-kids, compromising marriages, etc. If we place a parent in assisted living, memory care, or a nursing home, we feel guilty because we're not providing the care ourselves, or some "friend" or family member guilts us It becomes a losing prospect no matter what we do! If your parent is the "guilting" type, they will bombard you with FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt).
Your obligation to your mom is to make sure her needs are met. You don't necessarily have to be the actual pair of hands assisting with the showers, changing the depends, etc. Growing a thick skin and setting boundaries with your mom will go a long way toward diminishing your guilt. Remember, aging is just a part of living, as is death. It's inevitable unless you die young. You didn't make the rules. You didn't cause it. Focus on her needs. You will never be able to supply all her wants because it isn't possible. No guilt, Happy16. No guilt.
Remember why she's where she is in the first place: For her care & safety.
your mom is throwing a temper tantrum of sorts… try to let it go out one ear , and out the other…
take a break from her so you both adjust.
My mom didn’t like moving. It had to be done. I tried to move her near me before AL being needed, wouldn’t. She suffered emotionally, but that was caused by her own stubbornness.
give her time..