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Talk to the facility where your mom is at to see what measures they are implementing to prevent injury. Also ask how they determine which clients that do fall need to be seen by a doctor. In my hospital, we fill out forms when anybody falls. If the person who falls sustains an injury, then he or she is evaluated by a doctor - only after the nurse does a thorough examination and has significant findings of injury.
Is your Mom in pain? Like pain that is so distracting that she cannot concentrate, every movement is painful, cannot sleep well because the pain wakes her up, she cannot do exercises because it just hurts too much and affects her focus?
If so, fix the pain first. When my Mom hurt her hip (from a fall), I told them that we had to deal with the pain. Unfortunately they didn't believe me and I didn't know any better. After 3 months, I was told that the hip fracture was healed that she should have no pain from it. However, after 3 consecutive weekends at the ER, an ER doctor finally told me what he thought I already knew. It was that my Mom was suffering from severe arthritis. The realization that my Mom was a drug addict was when they administered OxyContin to help the pain and it didn't touch the pain. So my Mom and I spent the next month working with other drugs, and CBD, to reduce the arthritis pain and also eliminate the drug addiction. I could literally tell that mentally, she was getting better as she was able to focus for longer periods, understand what I was asking her, and have interest in the world again. Some of what I thought was dementia, disappeared or was reduced.
Then we started PT to help strengthen her muscles to reduce the pain of the arthritis further and get her physically able for her legs to hold her weight. A total of 3 months from the time the doctor told me about the arthritis, she was no longer completely dependent upon the wheelchair and we noticed that her muscles rapidly increased in strength where she could walk with her walker, but rarely fall (like she fell once a quarter if even that).
So, if your Mom is in intense pain, try and reduce the pain first as that might be what is holding back your Mom's recovery.
She is still in the care facility as there is no way I could provide the level of care she needs. Even if I quit my job, I would need support as I am not trained to provide the level of care she needs. As she ages, this level of care is getting more intensive.
Caring for someone is incredibly hard, emotionally, physically and financially if you need to quit your job.
If you want to care for your mom, be prepared to put you life completely on hold. Even with support it will be virtually a 24/7 job and getting increasingly more difficult. I know I couldn't do it as I have a full-time job, kids, husband and I want to enjoy this stage in my life by traveling and taking part in my kids activities. I also know that my mother is better cared for than I could do at home so for me it is a win/win situation.
Good luck whatever you choose as there is no ideal solution for everyone, only what works for you.
Hve you considered placing mom in a memory care unit and requesting a hospice consult?
The hospice team will come see her in memory care and give her extra attention and physical supports, as well as managing her meds to make sure she is comfortable.
I they find she has anxiety, they may be able to medicate her for that so that she is less restless, and that may keep her from falling as frequently.
I realize hospice is a very personal decision, but it sounds like mom is not benefitting from hospitalizations and rehab, so I'm presenting it an option to consider.
It sounds like your mother would benefit from a hospice evaluation if you'd like to keep her out of the hospital. There comes a time when hospital visits just ADD to the issues the elder faces, and rehab cannot happen either. Then what? Then hospice comes in to help you care for mom at home. But if you quit your job, then how do you pay your bills? If mom qualifies for hospice, you may be able to get her admitted into a hospice facility; you can look into that. Does she qualify for Medicaid? If so, you may be able to get her admitted into a Skilled Nursing Facility, not for rehab, but to live and to be cared for there 24/7.
You may want to sit down a Certified Elder Care Attorney for an hour for guidance with the Medicaid process, and/or to discuss your options with mom. It was one of the better decisions I'd made with regard to caring for my folks for 10.5 years.
Best of luck!
We did try an Apple watch (there are others on the market now) that did fall detection. However, the better way would be to either get her strong enough to prevent the falls or get her assistance so that someone is watching her at all times.
Your Mom needs PT, physical therapy, to help figure out what areas of her body are not strong enough and to get onto a plan to try and strengthen those areas.
For the daytime, I placed my Mom in senior day care where they had her at the highest level, meaning that whenever she attempted to get up, someone rushed over to help her. At night, we used an agency whose only purpose was to prevent falls at night. I still bathed her, cooked all her meals, etc.
After 3 years, I placed my Mom into a Memory Care unit, as she was becoming more and more incontinent. In the Memory Care unit, I paid for an extra level of support to ensure she didn't fall as much. I got to the point where the uncertainty of having a nightly caregiver, plus my Mom complaining that she didn't want to pay someone to just watch her, was too much for me.
The cost of memory care, in a semi private room, was less than daily daytime adult care, 9 hours/day of caregiving, HOA, food and electricity. Then there was the intangible cost of dealing with the caregivers being sick and dealing with my Mom's complaints. Even though she is in a MC unit, I still oversee her exercise and brush her teeth.
Be realistic with what you will be able to do. Your Mom cannot live in a place by herself any longer. Good luck to you!
No matter how much you are willing to give up, you cannot be the antidote to aging and physical deterioration: it is the inevitable if you don't die young.
All the best and Good Luck!! I hope you find peace with everything and things work out for the best with both of you.
If mom is a fall risk, she’ll be a fall risk EVERYWHERE, but a bigger fall risk in a house which is not built or designed around a dementia senior. Something super valuable I learned on this forum also is that home family caregivers do unpaid 24/7 work ( usually ) that requires a paid TEAM in other facilities. It’s unsustainable.
My mom is a big fall risk and needs help to the point where she needs supervision literally every waking second. For this reason and others it is literally impossible for me to care for her in my place. She’s in a small facility where I LOVE the people, and even then she’s fallen a few times. Her last fall happened when a poor caregiver used the restroom. Mom probably looked like she was resting, the caregiver went to relieve herself, then up and down mom goes. They called me feeling horrible but honestly there is no way to prevent every single mishap and certainly people need to use the restroom!
Your best bet might be to find a facility designed for seniors like your mom ( easier said than done I know! ) and work on mitigating fall risks within that facility. With mom in a facility you’ll still have your hands full.
Sometimes there are no good choices, it’s about picking the least lousy option. I really wish you the best!
With dementia, she won't remember that she can't walk unassisted. Unless she goes to LTC where she is in bed most of the time and monitored more by medical staff, she will keep falling there. BUT, if you take her home, how will you move her from point A to B by yourself? Is your home 1-level living? How will YOU keep her from getting up from a chair? It is against the law to restrain someone, even in their own home or for their own safety. You can have the facility put her mattress on the floor, but once she's up and about for the day, then what? You'll have the same challenge if you take her home.
Does the admin think that LTC may be an answer? If so, your mom will need to be assessed by her doctor for this.
Floor low beds + chair alarms + increased supervision = less falls.
Very hard if not impossible to avoid all falls.
Elders fall in hospital & rehab due to unfamiliar surrounds, different lighting & noises, numerous medical issues, (TIAs, BP, vertigo, knees give way, heart issues, other reasons ++). With dementia, brain changes actually cause falls too (ie damage to balance & proprioception areas in the brain).
Depending on character, former habits & ability, many elders will attempt to climb out of bed or stand & walk from a wheelchair despite not being physically able to. They forget. Despite being warned, despite signs on the wall, despite being a double amputee (true story).
Grieve & weep over every fall. But know that even with your eyes glued to her every waking moment in your home you will not be able to prevent all falls, nor hold her up without dislocating her shoulder or injuring you both. Safer to lower to the floor.
Sorry for the doom & gloom ☹️
Be the best advocate for falls prevention strategies wherever she is instead.
If you decide to “…just take her home…” she will continue to fall, and you will either need to be beside her 24/7 or hire 24/7 staff.
If YOU are her 24/7, she will fall with you, and you yourself and/or both of you may be injured when that occurs.
You and she may have come to the point at which there is NO decision to be made about her care that will satisfy you or make her totally safe and completely comfortable.
When that point is reached, you need to attempt to determine “the best you can do.
Also, consider the fact that falls and subsequent hospitalizations may or may not be adding “….to her confusion….”. At 90, with previously diagnosed Alzheimer’s/dementia, she’s confused, and will continue to be, and although the rate of her confusion may have some ups and downs, her abilities will not improve to enough extent that she’ll be substantially different at home.
Against my own “common sense” and the advice of anyone who had the courage to speak up, I kept my mother in my home for 9 months, and it was a disaster for us both, and for her cherished grandchildren, and for my husband.
When I moved her to a local, award winning residential care center, she fell, was meticulously cared for, was treated well, enjoyed her life once again, and allowed me to live a life that was not my “normal”, but far closer than when I had lived her life with her 24/7.
You need to make a decision on her behalf that has balance for you both. Throwing your own life indefinitely into the closet to care for her isn’t “balance”.
Think about it. We’re on your side.
Giving up your job to become a full time caretaker is very risky at best, read around here, there are no resources to make up for a loss of income and not working will hinder your future, your mother will be gone and will have few options. It has happened over and over again.
There are times in life that we need to accept the reality of the situation and make the best of it.
My mother age 97 is in AL, my step-mother age 84 is in MC, they are where they need to be. For one I am not clinically trained for another, I will not give up my life for them, they are safe, they are well fed, they have activities and made friends, being with people their own age is also very important to their well being.
IMO there are not enough resources or breaks to make this a viable plan.
Good Luck!