By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
We had planned a trip to Vis Croatia, but I knew there was no way. I thought Barcelona would be doable. I lived there briefly, have friends there, and know it well. I found a villa for rent near Sitges. Then he started having PD related hallucinations and more frequent gait freezing. I was getting ready to cancel the trip and a dear friend, who has been caring for her mother for many years, took me to lunch and told me that I needed to take the trip and on my own.
I thought people would think that I was selfish and just awful. Actually friends and family totally understood and knew how much I needed it. One, not so shy friend said “thank god, cause you look like s*#t
I made the trip and had a wonderful month untethered- we checked in each day. Went on day trips or just sat on the beach with no plans or schedule. Coincidentally the friend that gave the advice wrapped up a cruise in Barcelona so she visited for a couple days. Old friends from England flew down for a visit, and I made new friends (I had become withdrawn so that was important). I returned refreshed, positive attitude and recharged - and a better caregiver for doing so. Now getting ready to make the same trip, when we traveled together we never went to the same place, but now it’s just me and the reason is for me to take time for myself. So familiar places are less stressful.
Then you have an idea what you are dealing with. Living with and caring for your wife--(bless you!) you're too close to the 'problem' to have a clean mind about what to do.
If you can hire someone to give you respite time (you don't mention kids, but they'd be in their 50's at least) take a 'man-cation'. My DH used to take a week every year, sometimes broken down into 2 shorter ones and he'd go with friends who liked to hike, and climb and do high-level mountaineering. Then we'd try to take the family on a weeklong vacation. It worked OK. (And no, I never got a vacation, not ever. I can't count staying in Texas babysitting for my daughter for a week to be a vacation. Nor the month I spent babysitting for my kids when then had a new baby and were in MedSchool/LawSchool much of a vacay)...so I do know how important getting a break is--as I never did!
You'll be a better CG when you have scratched that itch to travel. sounds like your wife is not up to the kind of travel/adventures you'd like.
Life very rarely hands us the things we want. We have to work hard to find a way around the hand we're dealt.
Get her fully evaluated so you know exactly what her issues are and how best to proceed.
Respite care is well needed. There is NO reason you can't put her in respite care so that she will be safe and you will get to take a well needed and desired vacation. Do it NOW!
And enjoy your time to yourself, without guilt, etc.
Also ask yourself what would your wife do, if it was you who was impaired?
Is there family who can give you some respite time while you do some things on your own?
The vast majority of patients resist outside caregivers. Start by bringing them in when you are there. Then duck out for an errand after a few visits.
Take shorter trips and buy insurance to cover cost if you need to cut the trip short.
Perhaps you need to see a grief counselor. You are grieving the loss of your LO as a travel partner, and the retirement you dreamed of and worked for. This happens to a lot of people! Taking some Me time is important for you both, but so is honoring your vows. He didn't choose this! No one would! Remember his grief! His lost dreams!
Do any little trips you can together. Even if 1 in 3 goes fairly well, it will free your LO from the isolation and prison of this disease.
See All Answers