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If your situation at home has changed then you have some hard decisions to make (My mom is 88 and in relatively good health - dad died in 2019 - if I were in your shoes I don't know what I'd do feeling my first duty to my husband but not wanting to not do my part for mom). If your sisters feel the same as you then its time to make new plans and look to placing mom in an appropriate facility. You and your sisters need to have a frank discussion on mom's future as well as each of yours.
May blessings be on you and your family.
What is the division of caregiving between you and your sisters? And how much time do the "additional caregivers" put in? It seems like you put in more than your fair share and that you do more than anyone else. Why?
The other caregivers are your siblings, is that right? Have you told them how you are feeling? I wonder if they are doing ok or it's getting too much for them too?
Could you arrange a family meeting?
It sounds time to reassess Mother's care plan: ask;
Q. What care is now needed?
Q. What are each of the family caregivers offering to do? (Each will differ).
Q. What extra services will be needed to fill the gaps?
Q. Will that be enough or possible?
No-one goes on the same forever. People age, get tired, have their own needs too
ie overnight care is something you are currently providing, but may wish to cease.
Your Mother has not been living independently for some time I would guess, but *living alone dependantly*. There comes a time when propping up that kind of situation becomes too heavy a burden.
Change is hard, but becomes necessary.
That was my plan and although at 99 you may not be a caregiver for very long, it might not work for you. We are all different. Perhaps you husband might like to come along occasionally on one for your forays to Mom's place. Also how about the possibility of hiring some outside help for Mom. That would certainly free up a bit more time for you to be with your husband. And new caregivers might be very happy to engage with her while they are there. That might give you two something else to talk about also. Just a thought.
Wishing you peace and blessings on your journey.
Thank you, again for your response.
I appreciate this forum for moral support. Every bit helps so much!
I am so sorry that you have this responsibility of caring for your 99 year old mom. I fully understand that it is hard for you to leave your husband to go stay with your mom.
Who stays with her the balance of the week? Have you considered placement for her? Do you have hospice involved? Can she go into a hospice house or facility?
My mom recently died in a hospice house and the care was phenomenal. Mom died with dignity and free from pain.
What about calling Council on Aging for an assessment for your mom? They can help you plan for her needs. You can also call your mom’s doctor to get contact information for a social worker who can assist with decisions regarding care for your mom.
I totally understand that you feel badly about being resentful. Most of us have gone through the same feelings. Please know, that you haven’t done anything wrong and that you are longing for the life that you once had that was free of the responsibility of being a caregiver.
Wishing you peace during this difficult period in your life.