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We called in social services to do an assessment. They kept their eye on my SFIL and when the time was right (because they need a legal reason) they removed him from the home and he got a legal guardian. SFIL was placed in a facility where he had a room, got fed, had his hygiene attended to, got medical care and we could visit him as much as we wanted. The guardian even called us to ask about his personal preferences. When the guardian communicated with us, there was oversight and accountability from at least 2 other people from Lutheran Social Services (who employed the guardian).
Please... this is not something to kill yourself over!! There is a solution! As others have suggested, contact APS and just try to keep her case moving.
There is another possible strategy: your brother calls 911 and tells them his Mom is "not herself" and may have an untreated UTI (he should not mention dementia since this isn't considered a medical emergency). When they take her to the ER your brother should go with her and explain that she is an unsafe discharge, due to his cancer diagnosis and treatments. He should not believe any story from the discharge staff that they will "help" him once she gets home. Under no circumstances should he take her back home! The hospitals only want to discharge people, period. Then he should ask to talk to their social worker and explain she has no PoA, no financial means and is an unsafe discharge. It is very possible they will discharge her directly into a facility.
May you have peace in your heart as you help your brother and Mom!
Your brother will have access to APS in his own state. You can tell him that, at the point he can no longer handle things himself, to call APS and suggest they take guardianship by the state for your mother.
The suicide hotline nationally is 988. Please call that number any time night or day that you need to speak with someone. See your own doctor to discuss your suicidal ideation.
I wish you the very best and am so sorry that you are going through this.
But please call suicide hotline number.
Please don't feel bad for not being able to take care of mom. Many people can't, sometimes it's health, physical, mental or monetary. There are lots of reason. You have no reason to feel guilty, mom got old you did cause her aging, you did nothing wrong.
As for living in your car, I'm so sorry, are you working towards getting help?
Please please call suicide hotline, they may be able to help you find help so you can get on your feet.
Please let us know how you are doing
And call Adult Protective Services in the city where your mother lives and report a vulnerable adult with dementia living by herself, and explain your situation and they will go and investigate and if need be they will take over her care and she will become a ward of the state. Let her state handle things and her, and you just worry about getting yourself back on the right track.
Thats really all one can do here.