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He died in a cozy bed surrounded by loved ones AND A MEDICAL STAFF THAT COULD CARE FOR HIM. My mother and I were flailing around and freaking out because, at home, he kept falling and then struggling on all fours to move about the house. It was unacceptable given the dignity of my father.
When we took him to the hospice (excuse me for being so blunt and graphic about this) they hooked him up to a number of tubes including a permanent catheter. I could see that his urine was filled with immature white blood cells that had been expelled because his bone marrow could no longer produce the blood cells he needed. I cried all night when I saw this but I could realize, "Yes. The body of this person I love is damaged beyond repair". It was important to realize this fact and it allowed my mother and me to give him a good, comfortable death. Also, the people at the hospice could put us in contact with people who could make the burial arrangements.
I realize that my situation might have been more extreme than yours, but do not hesitate to consult the hospice community, the palliative care at home community, the home health care community, etc. They treated us in a compassionate, common sense matter and turned a hellish chaos into a series of compassionate, wise decisions.
I have a few questions for you.
Has his doctor talked about Hospice?
Does his doctor think he would be Hospice eligible?
If he would be Hospice eligible in my (not so humble) opinion there is absolutely no question as to what I would do. HOSPICE.
The support that you get from the Hospice team is amazing. (at least it was in my case. I could not have cared for my Husband the way I did without Hospice)
The Nurse weekly, CNA 2 to 3 times a week. ALL the supplies and equipment that I needed to care for him safely. And the education and support.
The big question is...
Are you, and your husband ready to forego any curative treatment? If so then Hospice.
If not then Palliative Care would be a great "bridge" until you are ready. Or until he qualifies for Hospice.
Home Health is great in many respects. You get the care you need coming to the house so there are fewer trips to the doctor. But you are always balancing, will they continue or discontinue service.
One thing that can help YOU is get caregivers to come in and help you out a few days a week if you do not have any already. Even 1 or 2 days for 6 or 8 hours is an amazing break.
You can check with your local Senior Service Center and see if there are any programs that you/he may qualify for.
If your husband is a Veteran the VA has programs that will provide caregivers. Not a lot of hours each month but every little bit helps. (If your husband is a Veteran check with your local Veterans Assistance Commission and they can help determine if he qualifies for any benefits.)