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You will know when you find the right one.
Create a list of questions and make notes while you are interviewing the attorneys. Then update your questions as you learn things from your interviews.
Most attorneys will offer a free consultation, I won't pay one for me to interview to decide if I want to hire them. Remember, they work for you and you should feel completely comfortable with whomever you choose.
Good luck finding a good attorney that meets your needs.
Your profile doesn't provide a location, so I can't offer any help there.
The Michigan Bar Association (my state) lists the names of firms with which attorneys are affiliated. I check out the firm to see what other practice areas exist, which can help since attorneys assist each other. E.g., an elder law attorney may need real estate assistance, and vice versa, so the client doesn't need to find two separate firms. Practice areas are often complimentary.
W/i an estate planning group, there may be some who focus on Living and/or Irrevocable Trusts. Others focus on specialty trusts that are less common. There might be one who includes probate litigation in his/her practice area.
Review the credentials of attorneys in the elder law, and/or estate planning firms in your area (again, search the local or state bar directories). Most will indicate specialties. Then contact the firms, speak with the attorneys and ask the questions that bring you to seek legal counsel.
Your question on how to determine who's a good attorney is a very valid one. An attorney should explain how he/she operates, whether a retainer is necessary, how many visits would be required to address your issues, and what his/her plan of action would be. Hourly billing rates or flat rates for services should be discussed.
Ask questions specific to your needs, such as dementia issues. Create a generalized list of your concerns, i.e., home assistance, legal issues of cognizance, documents to prepare now if possible, etc. Attorneys appreciate people who come prepared with lists of issues.
If you're interested in asset management for your family, be prepared to provide a list of assets, such as real estate, stocks, and other things of value.
Addressing Alva's comment on background checking, the State Bar maintains lists of attorneys who have been subject to client complaints or other action. The State Bar Disciplinary Action section (or called something similar) is the entity that typically pursues actions against misbehaving, dishonest, or other unacceptable attorney actions.
Post back and indicate what state you live in and it'll be easier to offer some direct resources.