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Very well said. I can see your point. His being stubborn is the problem. Not that you are away. So, enjoy your time away.
Dementia goes with Parkinsons so eventually ur husband is going to need 24/7 care. You may want to talk to a lawyer about splitting your assets. Would it be better to divorce or become a Community spouse if he needs LTC.
Maybe a neighbor would check up on him.
And anyway, no.
How long do you expect to be away? What about nudging friends and family to keep in touch and give him a morale-boosting call now and again instead?
I COMPLETELY understand the need to put distance between yourself and a situation that becomes untenable.
If MY DH hadn't left on a business trip for 2 weeks on Sunday this week--I would be living at my sister's right now. That's how much I need a break from him. He isn't 'sick' he's supremely depressed and will not address it. WFH FT, but the word here is HOME. He's messy, annoying, constantly asking me if I am going to cook lunch (what the heck??) complaining about things he mislays, being snarky and rude to me all day--or worse, sleeping 24/7 for days on end. Doesn't shower, just sleeps for 2-4 days at a stretch. He calls it 'resting' but it's not.
I'm on the brink of leaving him, and he now knows it. I gave him an ultimatum: he gets psychiatric help and goes into counseling or I am filing for divorce. Until this year I always thought I could ride this behavior out, but I realized he was making me literally sick---and my psych doc said I could live with it---and probably wind up with permanent heart damage from the stress, or he could make an effort to be better.
People will judge me for this, and I am prepared for that. But after 45 years of supporting and creating this monster, I cannot live with it.
I, for one, totally and completely understand your need to be away. I'd only be 10 miles away--but I may as well be 1400. I will NOT live with him in his current mental state.
And yes, he has a boatload of medical issues, none of which he 'controls' so he doesn't HAVE 15-20 years left. Neither do I, as a cancer survivor who won't do chemo again under ANY circumstances.
I wish you (and me) the best of luck. My heart goes out to you--since I am living essentially the same thing! (yes, I have POA for DH, but I don't have to invoke it, yet).
You say that you are seeing if he can live alone or, if you are gone, will he require placement.
I would just tell you that if not now, then certainly in near future, your husband would likely need placement. Zoom can't be hands on. Basically you are doing that phone call we arrange in age where we are called twice a day to see if we are still standing.
I think that you already know you cannot live with the pressure of caring for your husband. However, without a diagnosis of dementia, or inability to act on his own behalf, I don't know that you can place him either. You are likely stuck with doing exactly what you ARE doing until the inevitable happens, some accident that lets him know he cannot be alone, and his knowledge that you cannot return.
As long as your husband believes you are returning, this will remain the limbo it is. I admire you for doing this experiment to save your own mental health, come to your decision what you can tolerate going forward. I just wish I had more advice for you. I can well imagine being right where you are, between a rock and a hard place, and no place good. I wish you so much luck. I think this is a bigger question that whether to send in that aid. I hope you have support.
If you CAN insist, yes, do would be my advice. Knowing all the while it may not work, and will not in near future be enough.
I hope you will update us.