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It is worth at least thinking about telling your husband's daughter and grandchildren that you intend to do this. It isn't nice to think that their behaviour could change because of the money. However what's happening now isn't nice either. The most charitable way to look at it may be that they have not really thought about their own responsibilities, because they know that you are coping so well. You want them to think again, and this might be the only way to make it happen.
You have my sympathy. I am going through similar issues myself with a difficult daughter.
Your husband's daughter and grandchildren don't visit. There's nothing you can do about that. Try to let it go. Every morning make a decision that for that day you will not be angry or resentful. If you find yourself feeling angry throughout the day do something nice for your husband instead.
We can't control other people's behavior and when we try it makes us crazy. Try to let it go. Work on letting it go and don't allow it to take a toll on your life.