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" Cash under the table? DAM RIGHT
" but it sounds like it isn't working thus far." Working WAY better then the years I used agencies and got rid of just as many people. Ummmm duh, every one of them has college or university PSW certificate or higher.
But my Mom [97 and clear mind] had other ideas, she didn't want the employees in her house.... oops, we have a problem in the room, and her name is Mom. Dad on the other hand was so happy to have so many new sets of ears to listen to his stories. Both my parents are fall risks, but Mom said she didn't want help. So today I cut back the 24 hour watch to just day time watch... and will get one of those alert thingees for Dad to wear... just hope he doesn't lose it :P
What I liked about an agency is that the Caregivers are licensed, bonded, insured, and the company pays them Workmans Comp if injured... and if a caregiver can't make it, they send out a replacement for that shift.
Your right is to have a capable caregiver that is a good fit and nit to have turnover. Stay strong having help is better than not even if you hit a tough patch.
At the very beginning I could leave my husband watching golf on tv while I did errands. Eventually I just couldn't count on that anymore. Some days he would do just fine, and others he did unsafe things. I had to be sure someone was with him at all times. It is very sad, and very inconvenient.
My husband stayed home with me the entire 10 years of his dementia. I am the minority in my support group. Most people do eventually have to place their loved ones in a care center. But it really doesn't sound like that is your situation yet.
Preserve your husband's dignity. Let him be (or seem to be) as independent as is safe. But do not let the person with dementia make the important decisions in running the household. There simply Will Be an aide for certain days and times. Or he Will Go to a day-health program x days a week. You must be the decision-maker.
You need to take care of yourself because you are worth it. Your life matters as much as his does. And if you get seriously burned out not only will you not be able to keep him home with you, you might not be up to the next important role of being his advocate in a care center.
Sorry. But I think the time has come for not leaving the dear man alone.
(And how sweet of him to be concerned for the person who was hit by a ball. And how clever of him to remember 911 in an emergency. I do admire this guy. He doesn't need someone staring at him 24 hours a day. He just shouldn't be left alone any more.)
Mimi, it sounds as if it is time for your hubby have oversight at all times. There comes a time for all of them. This happened with my mom about 3.5 years ago. She had gone to her bedroom to pout because she did not want to go for a walk with me and her hubby. So we went anyway, only walked half way up the block then returned home. My mom was in a panic, didn't know where anybody was, and trying to call 911 because she thought something bad had happened to her children. Another time when we first started using agency caregivers Mom was sure this woman was in the house to burglarize it. She had the phone in her hand threatening to call 911 and physically thying to throw the caregiver out.
That day I called the authorities, police and fire, to let them know there was a person with dementia in the household. They would, of course still respond, but at least had an idea as to what may actually be happening in the house. All should do this, let the authorities know if there is a person with dementia in the house. This also protects responders as some with dementia will get violent.
This is a tough situation. There might be a time when he does need 911.
If you've ever watched any of those 911 programs though, you'll know that people call for a lot of silly reasons that have nothing to do with cognitive function. A woman once called because she didn't get the kind of hamburger or something she wanted from McDonalds. Another called when she needed a plumber.
Although I wouldn't disagree that it's a commitment of time and resources to respond to frivolous calls, your husband apparently really thought it was an emergency.
Bast, are you truly serious about dumping her husband off at some nursing home? I couldn't believe what you wrote.
Actually, such a person needs to be in a nursing home.
If you have access to a car, drive your husband interstate, drop him, with all his clothing, off at the nearest nursing home and leave him there - and pray your hardest that god doesn't magically and supernaturally arrange circumstances that you will be forced to once again care for him as that is too much for anyone
I would just wait until he forgets how to use the telephone. Best to keep the phones active in case you are out and there is a fire or medical need where hubby is still able to call. Your husband isn't the only one who calls 911 for what they think are emergencies. At least you know if someone gets hurt, either at home or on TV, your husband knows who to call :)