By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Can they go back home under constant supervision? Maybe there's no one to look after them there, constantly. I've heard a lot about Assisted home living on this forum. What about telling them the complete truth? It might come as a shock initially but maybe they'll will adapt to it. If they have friends, relatives, neighbors, and family visit frequently.
What is that place like? what kind of space do they live in? does it feel like a home away from home. I'm sorry I'm not familiar with the setting of secured memory care place.
It's a difficult situation. I'm a inexperienced compared to a lot of other forum regulars but, is there problem telling the truth, if they're not that far along.
Wishing & hoping for a good solution for you.
The place is nice enough I don't have any experience with memory care facilities. I am asking for another cognitive test for them. Perhaps that would help me explain it to them.
Have you tried saying "you're already home", every single time. What's this secured place like can you bring all the home furniture, paintings, all home type things familiar to them into the secured place. Of course not everything but some things they may recognize. Maybe some of the music collection. This is just and idea.
I do not know how progressive your parents dementia is but, have you tried driving them around the block with their suitcases and bringing them back to the secured place and say, "we're home". Just to clarify this is not intended to be flippant.
Try these two things and please let us know how it goes.
Sorry this happened to both of your parents, in fairly quick succession, this must have been so hard when it all first began with each respective parent.
Love & Peace.
Thank you!
My Mom use to want to go home. She was 96 and wanted to visit her parents. I would tell her that her parents were "visiting the old county", to which my Mom would smile. When she started to ask above visiting her sisters, I had to be creative and do a fib that Mom would understand.
Again, be honest with them. Tell them what they have and that you will attempt to find housing for them that keeps them safe and cared for, but that going home is no longer an option at this time. They may rage and they may cry, and in all truth, this circumstance is worthy of that.
-Lois was a doctor before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, along with her dh, and they both lived together at this MC. Every evening, Lois would come to the front desk with her pad and pencil to instruct me to call them a cab for the next morning at 9am. They were leaving to "go home." I'd tell Lois sure, I'll call the cab for you, no problem. Next day, same scenario.
No matter what you tell your folks, they'll keep repeating the same question. My mother refused to believe she had dementia and therefore, what was SHE doing in this place? I'd just tell her it was doctors orders she live there. Then she'd go off on a cussing spree about "that doctor is FULL OF SH#T" which gave me a chance to agree with her. Yes, he's the bad guy etc.
You may have to change your reasons up a bit from time to time. When mom was obsessing over her mother and accusing me of "hiding her", I'd tell her grandma was living in Florida bc it was too cold for her brittle bones in Colo. since she'd have been 137 years old. Snicker. Then she'd squint at me and the cussing would begin anew. "You're LYING and you're FULL OF S#IT" she'd tell me. Then I'd have to get more creative with my lies about everything from soup to nuts.
Its a no win situation you face here and nothing you say will make a difference. Keep the folks distracted and ask their PCP about low dose Ativan for Sundowning. It worked very well for my mom who'd be freaking out every afternoon about all the dead relatives and where were they being HIDDEN??
Don't internalize this....that somehow you're the Bad Guy for placing them in a safe care environment. You're not. The disease is the Bad Guy, and we're just trying to make the best of a bad situation for them.
Best of luck to you.
*When the doctor says it is safe for you to return home we will arrange it. (this makes the doctor the "bad guy")
*It is not safe for you to go back home, you need someone to help you. I can not help you as much as you need.
But..the best advice is to try to change the subject, redirect as best as you can. This may continue for a while.
Since their placement is fairly recent the wanting to go home is understandable. Just remind them they are "home". Tell them they are safe.
If they are both upset and anxious about this there are medications that can help you can discuss this with their doctor and see what he/she suggests. Keep in mind there are problems with medications like this, a person can be more prone to falls. But with all things it is down to "Benefit VS Burden"
Is this something I have to keep doing hoping they will adjust?
I would like to be able to take them out for an activity eventually.
This is called a therapeutic fib.
Is this something I have to keep doing hoping they will adjust?
I would like to be able to take them out for an activity eventually.