By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Have you made any decisions about your mom and how did you talk to her about it? Any help is appreciated.
Diane
My MIL went into care the last week of her life. The kids were exhausted--beyond exhausted--and the day they moved her in to the ALF, they all commented "We should have done this 5 years ago".
As it was, they simply sat her down and told her that her care was killing THEM and was simply unsustainable. She cried and carried on and promised to 'do better' but even with 3 adults and numerous CG's coming in, she was requiring 24/7 care and she wanted her kids to do it.
Once the decision was made to move her, it only took 10 days to get her in the facility. In her case, which I am now finding is not really unusual, she gave up trying to stay alive and died (with 24/7 care IN the ALF from her kids) 8 days after being moved.
There is no regret about moving her--I am surprised. It's making for a lot more work to now empty out the ALF AND her home, but it's getting done.
It took a lot of courage to tell her that they had to break that 'we'll never put you in a home' promise they had all made.
Even though it ended up with her never acclimating to the facility, it did put in motion all the things that needed to take place when she died.
MIL had severe dementia by the time they moved her. And they were preparing to have to move her to either a locked down MC facility or psych ward at a hospital as she got so bad and was screaming, kicking & biting people.
My DH says he doesn't think the 'talk' even resonated with her at all. Your mom will be who she is--we can't tell how she'll react. MIL was totally caught off guard and so she reacted badly.
Prepare for any outcome, but be strong. It takes a LOT of courage to do this.
You also mention that you are applying for MassHeath. Is she in MA and you are in IL? It is a small state. She might get faster placement by letting her in to the next available bed.
If she's lucid, not combative and cooperates with her caregivers, why does she have to be put in a nursing home? I was a homecare worker for 25 years and have seen many people deprived of their liberty and put into a nursing home when they could have been adequately cared for in their own homes by hired help. With most of these kinds of cases, the family insists on placement smiply because they don't want the person in the home anymore.
It's your mother's home. If she and your father can afford to get a couple of live-ins for a while so she can remain at home and your father will not have the burden of her care, then this should be explored.
You tell her GENTLY.
You tell her FIRMLY.
You allow her grief. Is this not worth grieving?
You didn't cause this and can't cure it. You have done the best you can.
The mother is lucid, reads the paper, watches tv, is not combative, cooperates with hired caregivers doing for her, cannot wander off, doesn't need a babysitter 24/7, and is already in hospice care.
Does this sound like a person who should be forced into a Medicaid nursing home? She doesn't sound like one to me.
I can hope that if I get disabled in my old age but am still with it, my husband and son won't just put me away in some nasty Medicaid nursing home.
If such would be the case I'd hope they'd do right enough by me to put a gun next to me then leave the room.
She will most certainly need time to process this information but she will in time. Then, your dad can get the rest that he so deserves.
Reassure her that you will visit her just like you do now. Tell her that she will be well cared for by a professional staff. Let her know that you will oversee her care.
Wishing you and your family all the best.
It's not even about allowing the other to process everything.
If they can afford homecare (which they already have) rearrange it so the father does not have to do the hands-on care.
There's no easy way at such a time in life, I'm afraid. But nobody has the right to drag anybody else down due to tending to their needs all day. I wish you good luck and Godspeed as you try to navigate this difficult time in everyone's life.
It appears it is too late for her to experience that, now.
I’m sorry .