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I record everything on my iPhone. I document happy moments, singing and laughing as well as the moments of confusion and anger.
I feel for you, he told people we stole his money! Hang in there.
I was attacked twice, and I have permanent damage to my right hand because of being struck across the back of my hand with her cane. Both times I CALLED the police to ensure HER ACTIONS were documented and I made her estate pay my medical bills. My husband thought his sweet mother was not capable of these behaviors, blamed me for doing something wrong...until the police officer was nearly assaulted while I was barricaded in my bedroom while my husband was at work.
The police talked to my husband and told him his mother WAS VIOLENT with caregivers other than him.
For about 18 months, I was an indirect caregiver. I refused all unsupervised contact with my MIL,and I refused to handle her medications. Then I could not be accused of maltreatment.
My husband was upset and put out, and we nearly divorced over his mother. She finally mellowed and her antipathy toward women in her home subsided; it was evidently rooted in her own insecurities and having a female family member lure her husband into an affair. In her mind, my husband was HER HUSBAND, sometimes...and I was the “intruder”.
Document, document, document...file police reports. And at some point, if it gets bad enough, be prepared to walk away, and let others discover the problem independently. Critics get silenced quickly when the problem becomes THEIRS.
My husband flipped out when I went upstairs to get him to help get his mother up off the floor. She was combative and told me not to touch her, so I respected that. My husband was angry with me, blamed me, and used the incident to file for a divorce and have me court ordered out of the home...his mother’s house...without financial support.
I was treated as if I had done something wrong. I was attacked from behind with a weapon! Jeeze! I think my response was quite restrained. But she milked it for all it was worth. But I was fortunate in that our next door neighbor, my best friend, was aware of these problems. She helped me get home ftom the hospital, gave me a place to stay for the first night, and supported me filing a police report for the assault and having pictures taken. The injuries were NOT MINOR. I had ligament damage and the arm had to be splinted. I could not write or use the hand for two weeks.
My husband had to come to terms with a new reality...that his mother was also mentally ill and violent without warning. She tried to hit him and threatened him with her cane on several occasions for him to see, yes, it WAS HER, not me. We saved our marriage but we seperated for several months, and I returned with the understanding that I was not going to have primary caregiving or unsupervised contact with her anymore...i refused to leave myself open to that accusation ever again.