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And how is your mother?
Do you by chance have guardianship or whatever is available in your country? In the US, wards cannot give consent. That is something to consider in your circumstances.
Years ago, I was walking on the street at a crowded festival with my spouse when a man dressed as a woman (I could see his genitals outlined under his tight dress) rushed toward me. He said, "You're a lesbian, aren't you, hon?" and licked my face. I'm not a lesbian, and I was too shocked to speak or move. All I wanted to do was wash off his saliva. Later, I realized that this had been an assault.
These days, if someone were putting bodily fluids on my LO or me, I would not take it lightly. I don't think OP should, either.
If it were a MAN, wouldn’t they be calling it assault?
You are correct to go in there and raise HOLY HELL.
YOU are not wrong. THEY are.
“Consent” is a very tricky thing. Like a few other 'principles', it can be over-rated.
Have u told this woman she is to stay away from your husband. If she wants a boyfriend, find him outside the facility. Really, if she has been told and continues, there is something wrong with her.
Besides, he has Alzheimer’s disease and it seems like they should realize that he isn’t capable of making rational decisions. He might not know how to reject this woman’s affection for him.
I wonder why the facility isn’t respecting your wishes for her to stop visiting with him. It seems like they don’t want to be bothered by this situation, so they are ignoring your requests to monitor this woman’s behavior.
Best wishes to you and your husband. I hope you can resolve this issue soon.
Is that correct?
According to your answers you have spoken to administration and been told that your husband, who has dementia, has given his permission for this kissing and fondling.
Something is VERY VERY WRONG HERE.
It is time to do reach out to Ombudsman, and to call in authorities if this is occurring at a licensed home. This is not all right.
You also claim that this person doesn't have dementia.
That means hubby DOES as you listed it under that heading.
He needs PROTECTION. If that isn't provided to him something is very wrong.
Speak first with the person herself.
Tell her she will be reported for ELDER ABUSE if found with your husband again.
THEN DO SO.
Speak next with administration and explain to them their duty of care.
If they cannot do it request Ombudsman. Can be found for your area online.
I find this entire story quite unbelievable. I have never heard the like of it.
This visitor should be banned from the premises if this continues.
As I said, this facility, if it wishes to keep licensure, has a duty of care for someone suffering from dementia who has NOT THE CAPACITY to give permission to assaultive behavior. And use JUST THAT WORD.
Otherwise, take AlvaDeers advice. Or, if the touchy-feely woman is accompanied by anyone, ask that person to please keep her away from your husband. She obviously suffers from dementia herself and probably doesn't realize her behavior is as inappropriate as it is!