By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Karma!
You seem to be stuck on your belief that the do-nothing brothers must step up. But they don't have to. And your H never had to, either. Besides, regardless of your belief, you can't make someone else do something. The only thing you can change is what you do.
So one of the brothers is the POA? Then it's very simple -- turn everything over to that brother immediately. MIL and step-FIL are no longer your concern. Is that brother also the HCPOA?
I really hope that you aren't continuing on in your role as care manager even though you've moved because your H is bullying you into doing that. She's not your mother and he's only your stepFIL. Let the POA deal with all of it.
Since MIL doesn't like the hired help (and probably will never like anyone other than you), I would suggest talking to the doctor and having him give them an ultimatum. Move both into a managed care facility. If both have dementia, perhaps they can get a room together in a MC ward.
Also, I would put as much of their care as you can into the managed care facility, in other words, let the facility file insurance, let the insurance pay them, let them take the in-laws to their appointments.
Allow your husband to visit his family in the center as much as he likes. The only issue is that it will be emotional and potentially gut wrenching for him, no matter how the visits go.
If both of you agree that the marriage is worth salvaging, then both of you need to work on salvaging your marriage as your #1 priority. The problems with the in-laws needs to become noise in the overall scheme of things in your marriage. Keeping a marriage going when it came so close to divorce, is very hard work.
Bubba, you have given a wonderful gift of care to your in-laws for 8 long years. Congratulate yourself now.
As you well know, life happens. People age. Can lose their mobility & rational thinking skills too. Making the task even harder.
Your gift of hands-on care had to change - so visiting nurses were added. Then live-in.
If this is still not enought, it is time for more changes. From small tweaks & adjustments, to more services, to a geriatric manager.
Or maybe it's time for a whole new plan.
Maybe your 'gift' expires here?
Are you / DH the POA or legal Guardian for MIL & FIL?
Because I agree with Ann, if Plan A) Age at home & B) at home with more services is not enough/cancelled/too hard, then Plan C) Care home is next.
I've decided today to add to my list of Plan D)s;
Dump (as in ER dump)
Decay (at own peril)
Demise.
Didn't your stepfather-in-law also abuse your MIL? Does he still do that?
There is only RARELY the chance to right this without grief-pain-heart break.
You have observed and lived in a life that has given very few comfortable, “easy” solutions, and you have SURVIVED IT.
Anything done on behalf of your in-laws MUST be based SOLELY on their safety, BECAUSE that’s all they’ve left for ANY of their family to do.
Now that the original dynamic has shifted, you all will have to assume a position of “wait and see”.
If you are an “unofficial fall-on-me” manager, you might inform the rest of the brothers that you are stepping down and that a GERIATRIC CASE MANAGER will be a potential solution that you will all need to consider.
There ARE caregivers available who turn a deaf ear to the “threats”, and every agency we used EMPLOYED some of them. Your MIL needs to realize that she cannot be safely cared for by attempting to maintain her own control.
Are any of you considering finding the best possible residential care for them? Is it time? If “Plan A” isn’t working as well as possible, isn’t it time for “Plan B” (or C or D etc……)?
At some point, if the in-laws keep ending up in the hospital and no one shows up to collect them or "sign for delivery" as I like to think about it, the hospital discharge team will declare them an unsafe discharge and find a facility for them.
Folks with dementia should not be driving the bus.
I hope they are paying for the nurse, and not you!
Does anyone have Power of Attorney for either of these folks?
Do they both have dementia?