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Also, if the doctor is giving her the clock face test, and the remembering 3 words 10 minutes later test... how is she getting around that with show timing? One cannot conjure up "good memory" on command... When you say her doctor "falls for it" does this mean no one is going with her to these appointments and sitting in the exam room with her? If not, this is what I'd be sure to do in the future. It's what I did with my MIL: I went to her appointment with a pre-written note (that I discretely gave to the staff pre-exam) explaining who I was in relationship to her, what behaviors are worrisome and to please test her for cognitive/memory issues and for UTI and asking to sit in the exam room. They accommodated me and I was able to sit positioned behind my MIL while they gave her the cognitive exam, and I could correct her verbal answers to her health questions by moving my head so that the doctor knew what was reality and what was not for my MIL.
Clean out the refrigerator no matter what mom says, she'll forget about it anyway.
She can't live alone anymore! NO MORE! Get her out of there!
I was greatly helped by watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She is an expert on dementia, and explains why it is changing our LOs and how to better engage with them to make interacting with them more productive and peaceful. Please educate yourself and don't be in denial (mental illness history or not)... there is no cure for dementia, only strategies on how to cope with it.
Does our Mom have a DPoA? Is anyone her PoA? If not, this needs to be put into place if at all possible.
Has she been checked for other medical causes for her behaviors, like a UTI, thyroid imbalance, vitamin deficiency, over- or under-medicating of prescription drugs or sleeping pills; dehydration, etc.? These should all be discounted or treated. An accurate diagnosis will be necessary to get her the proper care going forward.
I wish you all the best as you work through solutions to improve your situation.
Perhaps you need to hire a new caregiver that is better able to redirect her when she gets stuck in these loops.
And I'm sure you already know that your mom should NOT be living by herself at this point, and yes it's very tragic that a lot of folks have to wait for some kind of "event" to happen before the family can take some kind of action.
Perhaps it's time you make a trip to your moms for a month or so and get the ball rolling towards getting her placed before the event happens. I'm just saying.
I wish you well in getting all of this figured out.