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Most billers don't care what the mailing address is, so long as they get paid. I used my PO box as the address. It does mean getting all kinds of junk mail sent there, but you can just toss it! If he doesn't get the bills, he won't be paying them. Hopefully he won't notice the lack of bills. I did NOT need to use POA for any of these. The only one that required POA was the credit card she had. Even with POA, they were a pain about it. I think this relates more to "digital" access, which most POAs didn't handle properly. Hopefully attys wise up to this and include it going forward. When I contacted the town to get one quarter tax bill needed for doing mom's taxes (she misplaced that one), the woman even offered to change the address for me, again without any POA provided.
Banking statements might require the POA to be used to make changes. You could ask them about it and see if they'd be willing to change the mailing address for you. If not, it will have to wait until you can get the Dx needed to activate the POA. I'd be having serious chat with doc!!!
My mother was in the early stages of dementia at that time, and living alone. Asking her to take over when she expressed how it was getting hard to manage, she said it gave her something to do. I left it alone for a while, until I started noticing mistakes being made. I did take her with me to one bank to close the account and to the primary one to make the changes. I used the POA even though we had no Dx at the time. The first bank I had no relationship with, but they accepted it (mom said nothing either time, just rifled through her wallet and purse!) For the primary account, mom had added 2 of us previously, so that was helpful.
I also had to sign up as Rep Payee for SS. I was doing like most do, letting it go to her account and using it, along with the pension, to cover her expenses. This is actually not allowed by SS, but in most cases they won't know. After moving mom to MC, I needed to change the mailing and residential address, but POAs are of no use with any federal entity (her pension was also federal - that was another whole nightmare!) The paperwork that came with the application states clearly that NO ONE is allowed to manage another person's SS funds unless they are Rep Payee. You *could* try this, but like the forwarding of the mail, he WILL get notification that you are doing this and may start WWIII.
At the least, get all the billing addresses changed, either to your address or better yet, a PO Box. His funds should pay for the PO Box. If you can get the others to change the mailing address, great. Then work on that doctor.
"Keep in mind that some patients are still able to feign normal functioning in high-pressure situations, such as doctor's appointments. This frustrating phenomenon is known in the dementia care community as “showtiming,” and it can hinder a timely diagnosis."
Eventually, he will not be able to do this. Right now he is probably aware that something is wrong so thats why he is addimate about doing things for himself. Can you approach it as "lets do the bills together" "you are on a fixed income so some bills you pay and some bills you can wait on"
My Moms handwriting was not understandable. So, I wrote the checks and she signed them. As time went on, I just wrote the checks and signed my name with POA behind it but I was also on her bank accounts. Then she couldn't reconcile her statement. So I did that. She knew enough to tell me I didn't reconcile the way she did.
Until you can get a formal diagnoses, there is not much you can do.
Unfortunately this also comes with a possible downside. Let me explain: as a professional in the medical/social field + a female, + capable wife & mother puts you in the *wonder woman* category - all other family members may say "she's got it all under control" as they melt away into the non-assisting roles. (Hello siblings?? Anyone there...?)
Your goal to convince Dad may not work. But minimising risks to keep his safety as good as possible may be. The bigger aim may be being his advocate, as his needs increase / things go start to go wrong.