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My dad passed away in a Catholic hospice, which is one of the best in NYC. They are aware that during the dying process fluids are no longer necessary and though, they did support him with IV for a while, when he was close to death, they stopped. I am sorry to say, but your mom may be in the dying process. May you find comfort in memories, may her transition be pain free and peaceful. Sending sympathy and hugs during a difficult time.
I suggest that you call her PCP and have an order written up for Hospice. They will come in and evaluate Mom. Please have someone there with you. 4 ears are better than two. What you don't pick up they may. And listen because people misinterpret Hospice a lot.
Hospice is end of life. They do not kill people, their job is to make the patient comfortable. Yes Morphine is used for this purpose. Besides helping with pain, it helps with breathing. The patient is never given enough to overdose them.
When a person is dying they will naturally stop wanting food and water.
Forcing her to eat or drink can be painful for her because her body is shutting down. Her kidney are shutting down forcing fluids her body can't process would be torture for your mother. As would dialysis.
She is not asking for water or food and being refused either.
I think you are misinterpreting your religious teachings.
See if you can meet directly with a hospice outreach team member (ask for a nurse, if possible, as your questions are ones that nurses tend to have most knowledge) and listen to their answers to your concerns.
Your mom may very well be slowly transitioning toward end of life already. That is the gentle slowing and shutting down of the body's functions. At some point this can become a faster process - active transitioning - and hospice can provide great help with any changes in this stage, which may include signs of distress.
I think of it as the body and the spirit take a long time to 'come apart' at the end of life, with the spirit returning to wherever it is before we are born. (Also raised Catholic, former hospice nurse.) Hoping for comfort for you and your mom
I very much hope that Mom now has Hospice as she makes her final exit from this life. She deserves comfort as she goes toward her peace and her eternal life according to your and her beliefs.
The body does not know how to process the food and it it "busy" keeping the heart beating, lungs working and brain functioning.
Fluids may be aspirated causing more problems.
Fluids may also travel to layers between muscle and skin causing skin to swell and split.
Offer a moist swab dipped in water to moisten the mouth. Run the swab over the lips, tongue. Do not give ice chips, just the moist swab.
I am sorry you are going through this and so sorry that Hospice has not explained the reasoning behind the reasons for not giving fluids.
Yes, do offer your mother fluids as you desire. However, in the last stages of dying the need to eat and drink diminishes. This is not painful for them. Providing food and nutrition will not reverse the dying and hospice research now knows that using artificial means to hydrate and feed can cause harm. The need for fluids is tied into the amount of calories consumed. With the lack of appetite and almost no food eaten (part of the dying process), your mother needs very little fluid. So yes comfort her. Moisten her mouth and give her sips as the nursing staff show you how. Talk to her and tell her you love her. May you find comfort at this time.