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Llamalover47
My parents and an aunt all were
adamant about not having strangers in the house but now feel they are family.
As to your question about what to tell your mother, I recommend you tell her so and so come to visit. Do the visits a few times with each time longer than the last and the caregiver helps a little more, then you can leave.
You can begin with day 1 first thing, "This is a friend of mine, "Linda".
Sit down with mom and "Linda" and have coffee and a bit of a snack. (The caregiver can observe any care that you do for and to mom while there)
"Linda" can clear the table when you are done and put the dishes in the dishwasher if there is one, or wash them and set them to dry.
Walk "Linda" to the door and say.. "I will see you tomorrow"
Tomorrow comes and when "Linda" arrives tell her that you have run out of eggs and have to go to the store. And say "Mom, I have to run to the store can you and "Linda" sit and chat for a while, I will be right back." Leave for an hour or so.
you might have to do this a few times before mom is comfortable.
You need another person with her so that she is SAFE and given the assistance she NEEDS to function when you AND your sister NEED TO be away from her doing the things that are essential to YOUR WELFARE.
You say “Mom, Sister and I both need time to take care of our personal situations, so Ms XYZ is coming to stay with you while we are out. We have met with Ms. XYZ, seen her references, and she is a nice person (whatever applies)”.
And when you’ve said that, you say “I have to do a few errands (name them- go to the post office, have a tooth filled, see my doctor etc.) and I’ll be home in a couple hours. I’m leaving cookies and tea out for you and Ms. XYZ to have while I’m out.”
THEN- hug and kiss, AND LEAVE. Don’t look back, don’t make excuses or any conversation, JUST LEAVE. It’s really important that your mom understand that she can boss someone else around besides you and your sister!
If your mom happens to have a hobby or favorite cookie or something else that can help “break the ice”, be sure that Ms. XYZ knows that.
GOAL? As little stress as possible for you and your sister. YOU’VE PAID YOUR DUES ALREADY. I know. I “only” slept on the floor nine months before we learned that sometimes it’s MUCH BETTER and SAFER all around, to place our LOs into the capable hands of the experts.
Your reminders about the WHY is very very helpful.