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Legally, you report him to the DMV. Depending on your state you can do this online. When you provide proof (dates of accidents, reasons, etc) they will send out a letter telling him to come in for a test (this also varies by state). You need to intercept the letter so he never sees it, and allow his license to expire.
Literally, as others have suggested (and hoping either you or someone else is his PoA):
- relocate the cars to a secret place, also hiding the keys.
- hiding or cancelling credit and debit cards, checkbooks, etc.
- preventing any online access (changing the password, cancelling any new account he opens)
I realize this seems daunting but there is no other way. It will be hard at first and then things will improve. My Uncle killed his own wife in a crash he caused because no one stopped him. Others on this forum have similar stories. You are in the best position to stop him. He will get mad, and you must ignore it and do whatever it takes.
If he gets verbally abusive or physically threatening then don't hesitate to call 911 and report this to the police. This may keep him in check or else they may remove him from your home, depending on how he reacts.
There are no magic wand for this situation. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Have as many family, friends and neighbors in on this as possible. Make sure they know to never lend their vehicles to him. Ask them to provide rides for his appointments and errands so he doesn't feel stranded. If he manages to get a car and you know he's on the road, call it in to 911 every time.
I've had to end driving privileges for 3 seniors and this year probably going on the 4th. It's never been easy. I wish you success.
If not, file for guardianship with the court.
See his doctor about medications to calm him down.
Call 911 if he's out of control and have him taken to the ER for a psych hold where they WILL medicate him.
In the meantime, disable the car. Slash the tires. Enterprise WILL rent him a car w/o insurance....they'll just sell him THEIR insurance.
Call the local car rental agencies and tell them your husband's name and that he has dementia and will be coming by to rent a car. DO NOT RENT HIM A CAR.
Cancel all the credit cards and debit cards and have ONE new card of each type reissued in your name ONLY.
Hide the checkbook(s).
Call around until you find an elder care attorney thst DOES handle guardianship and divorce, if that's what you want. But your husband must be placed in managed care of some kind safely before you can leave him otherwise. Speak to the attorney about that too.
Good luck to you.
On our next doctor visit I slipped his doctor a note saying
My fathers driving is extremely dangerous, please take his licence away and blame it on his disease
The doctor was very professional keeping me, his caregiver completely out of it
good luck
Your car you keep secure so that he does not have access to the keys.
You can have a mechanic put a switch on it so that even if he gets the keys the car will not start.
You could also get one of the "Club" locks and put that on the car.
Lock your car, keep the keys with you so that he can not even get into the car. I still wear my keys on a clip that is clipped to my belt loop. I did that so my husband could not take the car.
This is a non negotiable if something were to happen where he damaged property, hurt or killed someone you would be ruined financially especially if there is medical documentation that he has dementia.
The doctor can also inform the Secretary of State (Drivers License Department) that his drivers license should be revoked.
Talk to his doctor about medication for the anger
Someone driving with any of the dementias is no different than someone driving drunk, and they must be stopped sooner than later.
Are you aware that if your husband were to either kill some innocent person or severely injure them and the police were made aware that he has dementia that you and he could be sued for everything you have? And would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you should have stopped him from driving but now he's killed someone? If that isn't enough to scare you into doing something to disable his car of take away his keys, I can't imagine anything will.
Things I’ve seen while taking care of family who had dementia: Eating leaves found on the ground. Emptying the whole pill minder for the week on the place mat and starting to eat all of the pills. Trying to walk out the door at 2 a.m. Waking up in the middle of the night and peeing in inappropriate places.
I know it’s hard to imagine the extent of the damage they can do. I’m sorry you are going through this, but you have to take major steps. Placement would be my choice.
It is time to go to the DMV and make a report.
In most states he will be called in to do a test. That will be that.
You will need to disable the car or have it safely removed (preferred) until then.
Not only may he be hurt, but he is menace on the streets.
If you cannot accomplish this it may be time for placement in mc for his own protection and for the safety of others.
I am so very sorry.
than 2 hours. My heart aches for you. I wish I had an answer.
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