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So your father - at only 50 years old !! - is depending on you (and your husband) to tote him around while he dictates the schedule. Exhausting.
At his age, he needs to get himself together. At 50 years old, age-related decline should not be an issue, but if he has not taken care of himself (his own lifestyle choices I presume) then the mobility problems and depression will be a result.
And now he's made it your problem to deal with.
(It's one thing to be disabled as a result of uncontrollable events or illness. It's quite another to render yourself disabled because of lifestyle choices. I personally have zero patience for the latter, and I've seen A LOT of that in my own family. Addiction, laziness, stubbornness, etc. Ugh. )
So. If I'm not misreading the situation, here is my suggestion.
If it were me, I would go ahead and endure lunch after the cemetery and then let him know clearly that this is the last time. No more lunches out - unless and until -he changes the way he treats people. Put the ball back in his court and give him the choice. Be nice and kind or forget it.
Begin to take yourself off the hook for anything that is not an absolute necessity and let your father take some responsibility for himself.
Peace.
If he balks , tell him his choices are eat this food at home or no food .
You can always take the food home with you if he refuses it .
Use your words
“ No we are not sitting in a restaurant “.
There is absolutely no reason to feel you have to take him to a restaurant .
My parents tried that everytime I had to take one of them to the doctor ( which was often ) , they always went together . We would leave the doctor and they would say “ Where are we going to eat ? “ It would turn into me losing an entire afternoon.
My dad did, then I realized my mom is just as bad as my mom, and mom was the one pulling dad's strings. Mom created my Dad, I honestly think she likes men to be mean to her, and that's her happy place. She created my younger brother to be the spitting image of dad.
Sorry, no of that answers your question or is helpful, but I feel your pain, as for you want this awful family to go away.
I feel that same way, now I look forward to the day mom is gone so my brother ( my dad's clone) is out of my life , for good and always!