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He made quite a bit of noise. Most of it a sort of moaning sound and I would have people ask if he was in pain. I would gently tell them that he had Alzheimer's and this was one of his "quirks".
I would kid that it was easy to find him if he wandered off while I went to grab a bunch of bananas!
I would have kids look at him and ask their mom "why is that man crying?" I would jump in with..He is not crying this is just a noise he makes because his brain does not work as well as it used to. I would then ask if they had classmates that had Autism and most of the time I would get a nod of the head. I would ask then..does your classmate make noises sometimes? And again I would get a yes. I would explain it is sort of the same thing. And I would thank them for being so caring.
If you go to the same places to eat lunch or dinner the staff will begin to know your mom and will be extra patient.
There are cards that the Alzheimer's Association has that are something like...Please be patient the person I am with has Alzheimer's and may need a bit more time.
As far as other diners or people in stores...most people are so preoccupied with themselves that they do not notice a bit of extra noise. And with all the noise in most restaurants a little from your mom will not be noticeable.
When you are seated and order, ask for "to-go" containers to be brought with the meal. Just in case she gets agitated you you have to make a quick departure you can pack up while the staff is getting your bill ready.
As far as taking her out..until it becomes unsafe getting her in or out of the car. Or when she is no longer safe walking.
Until she become so agitated that she is no longer enjoying herself.
Or when it becomes frustrating for you. Until then enjoy the outings.
Taking them anywhere was a huge undertaking that required all 5 of us. I never felt bad to ask my sons to help (and they never hesitated). It made them feel needed/important and appreciated and it showed them life with all its warts, and helps them to have gratitude and appreciation for their health. Our experiences with this caregiving continues to give me the opportunity to point out that how you treat the elderly and infirmed is how you will want to be treated, and that aging is a normal part of life and to not be "surprised" by it. Today my sons have such an affection for "Q-tips" (as we call all the silver-haired seniors in our family). They rush to help elderly strangers and give up seats on the train for them, etc.
Kimberlitas, I applaud your loving kindness to your mom. Keep taking her out as long as you can. Blessings!
Thank you for the compliment and advice. Being on this site shows we caregivers, whether up close or from afar, are doing the best we can. I send on the applause to all of you!
If someone says anything, tell them that she has some unknown disease and it is highly contagious, so you do apologize for exposing them and you hope they fair as well as your mom. Sorry, I get so bothered with people acting like our seniors, disabled and others that are different are to be hid away, so I like to freak them out a bit.
She is blessed to have you.
Of *course* you are right to use your common sense about this, and not take your mother to places where her diminishing abilities are going to hold people up or significantly inconvenience them or ruin their first candle-lit dinner date. Apart from anything else, very noisy or rushed or crowded places will not be pleasant for her.
I think I recall that you can get pre-printed cards to hand to concerned members of the public that explain "my mother has dementia, please overlook her talking to herself" with, perhaps, the website for the Alzheimer's Society - it all adds to useful awareness-raising in the general population.
But as long as she benefits from outings and she is doing no one any harm, you go right ahead. May you long enjoy her company! :)
Can't leave her in the car alone, or even with one of my adult kids, because it she feels like I'm taking too long she will get out to look for me.
So lately I take her out a couple times a week to a store to walk the aisles for exercise, or to McD's for ice cream and people watch. Sometimes I drive the long way to town because that's really all she wants -- a drive.
NOTE: We are not wealthy! The cruise was $198 per person and flight was $258 per person round trip. Less than $500 each for 5 days. We splurged for a hotel room in Los Angeles at $198 we’ll share, and the Lobster dinner in Ensinada was $210. This is a little more than we usually spend, but it’s his birthday.
I kept doing this until it became unsafe. There also was an in between phase where I’d bring her to my house instead of someplace public, or i’d bring my husband along so I had some who could help with logistics. I gauged safety by her behavior. For example, would she wait for me if I had to go get the car? Would she wait for me to bring her walker up/down the stairs, or would she try to do it herself? Was she able to safely go up/down stairs herself? Did she pay attention when I gave her direction?
I would say as long as it is safe and manageable, it’s lovely! 😊
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