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I have run into the same thing with my step-mother, I am taking her to Neurologist # 4 on the 9th of December. The other 3 have been complete duds, all they do is say "Let's watch her"... I am... she is losing her mind....
This time I am taking a complete outline on her slippery slide, I am tired of the run around.
Yes, your mother sounds like she has dementia.
The neurologist who evaluated my mother and confirmed the MCI diagnosis told me a major difference between MCI and dementia is the person remains able to learn new things and to make good decisions when all the information is available to them. The bank branch my mother had used for years was closing and Mom decided to open a new account at a different bank with a branch just across the street. She opened the new account and ordered checks, which she received. About 6 weeks later, she stopped at the new bank branch to open a new checking account and was surprised to discover she had already opened an account there. The doctor said this was not an example of dis-orientation or broken thinking. Mom knew where she was and why she was there so her thinking was working, she just didn't remember all the information (she had already opened the account) she needed to make the right decision. Short term memory problems lead to longer term memory problems as short term memory is not stored into long term memories. As a practical matter, Mom might add salt to the green beans a couple of times but she won't be adding sugar because she would continue to know the difference. At the same time, Mom needed some help with bills because she had problems remembering which checking account to use. She would check the register to see if she had paid a bill, but she ended up double paying a few bills with one check from the new active account and one check from the old closed account. Mom didn't have problems keeping her appointments because she continued her lifelong habit of writing all appointments down on a calendar.
Mom with MCI can be reasoned with and can adapt to using memory aids like lists and labels to continue functioning fairly well in a normal setting. She didn't have problems driving and never got lost, but I asked her to stop driving because I was concerned even if someone ran into her, the short term memory problems could make it difficult for her to provide LE with her side of the story. She agreed. Her personality remains intact and she doesn't have the aggressive, angry rants my father with vascular dementia did.
My father with vascular dementia retained most of his memory but lost the ability to think and adapt. I first realized how badly his thinking was compromised when I was helping him install a dishwasher and my father with nearly 50 years of construction experience couldn't adapt the plumbing diagram included in the installation instructions with the kitchen sink's plumbing. Dad once decided the fresh water well needed chlorinating and dumped 20 lbs of pool chlorine with algaecide in without telling anyone. Fortunately Mom smelled the chlorine when running dishwater and neither ended up poisoned. Dad became very unreasonable, very verbally aggressive, emotionally abusive, got lost driving down the dead end one lane street he had lived on for over 70 years and eventually even threw things and pushed my mother. People with dementia need much more supervision than people with MCI because the thinking is broken and their actions are so much more unpredictable.
another option is for you to write a letter to her doctor and describe her dangerous behaviors and inability to perform the activities of daily living. He will have to make that a part of her medical record and he will then have difficulty squaring it with his diagnosis of MCI.
I don’t know why doctors are so reluctant to call dementia what it is. I think they just don’t want to look patients in the eye and say it. My dad’s GP never diagnosed dementia, just MCI, but on day one of a rehab stay, the Occupational Therapist did.
I would talk to the team that gave you the diagnosis and clarify what they think mom's level of care needs are.
Folks with MCI can generally live alone with some support. Folks with MCD need a more supportive envirmne t, like the type that AL would provide.
Explain your dilemma to them and ask what they think the timeline is for her needing AL.
Since I am her POA, I started to take over paying her bills and managing her financial affairs. Set up caregivers and got rid of her car was not something she was agreeable with. She took me off her bank account but I got legal advice and found out that with my Power of Attorney, I could overrule her. I also kept her doctor informed of what was going on. Mom was spending 3-4 thousand dollars a week at the casino!
i had to close her accounts at the casinos, block her from writing checks over a certain dollar amount.
Finally her doctor agreed to having her tested by a Neuropsychologist.
she tested very low. I had all her doctors write a letter stating her diagnosis. Mixed Alzheimer’s !
Now I’m trying to find the Memory Care facility that would treat her with dignity.
My suggestion is to keep documenting behavior, take pictures of living condition at home, bring Adult Protection Agency into the mix for suggestions and their evaluation. This will help with the LTC questions.
Hope this helps!
Eaglet333
I agree with DollyMe. From your description, it sounds like your mother has dementia.
Did you communicate with the doctors the need for a formal diagnosis of dementia/Alz?
If I were in your position, I'd call alz.org and ask for guidance. There has to be a medical professional out there who can help you in getting your mother the care she needs.
I wish you well.
R27
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