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My mother started that way. I had to take over the finances. I noticed her handwriting was small and not in a straight line. It was the beginning stages of Lewy Body Dementia.
Everyone's situation is different and I am certainly not diagnosing anyone but have you paid a visit to a Geriatrician Neuro Psy Doctor. Your husband's primary care doctor can assist with a referral.
Things start out gradually and let's face it everyone wants to remain at home, myself included.
Lewy Body Dementia affects the "executive functioning skills"--for example, my mother cannot follow more than 2 directives at a time. She cannot write a check, open a jar nor fold a towel "neatly" like she would prior to her diagnosis.
In her earlier life my mother was the mainstay of everything--she filled out all of the college admission forms, took care of the elderly in the family, Church Committees, you name it. Very active, walked two miles per day and attended daily mass.
The Lewy Body is such that some days are better than others. Kind of similar to what you described "some days he seems fine". The symptoms fluctuate. Mom used to shuffle and had a gait issue. She has had multiple hospitalizations "before" all of this came to light. We didn't know what to think.
At present, mother attends a 4-hour one morning per week respite program--RN on duty, speech therapy and physical therapy. Some offer transportation, I drive her. It gives me time to get things done without worrying.
I invested in an UPWalker Lite--$495. Best investment we ever made. Just returned from the market and Mom walk the entire market 20 aisles. The gray aluminum walkers are junk. You have to get a script from your PCP and order the better product that will keep your husband's balance, breathing and posture in tact.
You don't want a little thing to become a big think. There is a lot of help and in home services for people like us. You can't do this alone. The VNA's with the order from a doc with help with occupational therapy (i.e. brushing teeth, combing hair, etc.) If things progress you can request a "male" CNA for showering.
Call on the troops for homecare but first you need an evaluation. This is just my story. But read what people write in and see what chimes with you.
You didn't say how old you are but my mother is soon to be 84 and I am in my late 50's. If you are both up there in age it would hard to put the walker in the trunk so you may have to ask for help--Church, friends, neighbors, VNA, respite care.
The medical durable equipment is usually covered by insurance.
I hope I was helpful to you. I have been in the trenches and I hope I can make your life easier.
And you can't expect someone with a broken brain to be "much help" as he more than likely doesn't remember what to do, so you're going to have to pick up the slack. Now that may mean hiring folks to take care of your lawn/yard if that's something he usually did, hire a house cleaner to assist you and make your life a bit easier, and eventually it will require in home aides to come in several days if not daily to assist you with him and give you much needed breaks.
Can it be done? Yes. Will it be hard? That would be a BIG yes as well.
The best thing you can do right now is to educate yourself about dementia as that will best prepare you for the road ahead. I can't stress enough the importance of learning all you can about it, so you won't be blindsided when things come up, because guaranteed they will.
Teepa Snow(who is an expert in the field of dementia)has many great videos on YouTube and has also written several great books. The book The 36 Hour Day is also a great reference book.
I was my husbands caregiver in our home until his death in 2020 from vascular dementia. And while there were days when it was beyond difficult, I was and am very grateful that I could keep him at home and allow him to die at home like he wanted to.
But please know that my situation may actually be the exception to the rule, as many folks do end up having to place there loved one because it just gets to be too much. Only you will know if and when that may need to be done, so for now, just enjoy whatever time you have with your husband and don't waste your time worrying about what may or may not happen. That's a waste of your time and energy. Just be prepared best you can and get your "ducks in a row."
May God bless you and keep you.
When you say POA, do you mean for financial decisions, healthcare, or both? Our Psychiatrist gave us the form for regular POA and said it could be activated by a call to him or to our GP. Is the healthcare one the same as a living will? Thanks.
I think at this point you should seek out a diagnosis, not just because some causes of cognitive decline are treatable but so that you have a documented history if you are ever questioned by family (and others). Then learn as much as you can - there are countless books, websites, YouTube videos and forums like this to help you get a realistic picture of what dementia is and where your tipping point lies.
My husband was having dizzy spells and panic atttacks, accompanied by several falls. He also had a "spell", seeing auras while driving and had minor accident which he did not realize he had. (Police saw it on tape.) We told our GP and he ordered a series of tests: opthamology, holter monitor, blood work, ct and MRI of brain and a neurocognitive test (3 hrs) Also just this week he took a test for driving ability which confirmed the diagnosis of moderate dementia, likely Altzheimer's. Like you, I am keeping him home as long as I can.
Could you convince your husband that the testing would help you in taking care of his needs? With a diagnosis, you will have a much better idea of what you are working with and how to help. He may not need all the stuff we went through, but just telling the doc that he is having some memory (forgetfulness) issues is a start, and the doc can take it from there.
cognitive decline … as long as you both are safe healthy and you’re able to manage his care … educate yourself … there a different types of dementia .. some aggressive hallucinations delusions and others much more gentle memory loss.
have patience and try put yourself in his shoes …
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