By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
There are many ways to say so. Honesty does not have to be blunt or cruel. Eg You have good health in these areas.. ABC. Your short term memory is not as good as it was. This can worsen with age. Let's aim to add in more help as you need in the future.
I heard a very blunt Doctor once tell his patient;
"You are 90. Your brain scan shows a 90 year old brain".
The patient just shrugged & nodded. With a look like *fair enough!*
He made no further comment.
"..can handle all her ADLs".
For now. Start planning for when she can't. Having a supportive & loving family is a blessing. A caring approach is wonderful - just add in the practical too.
A diagnosis will help know what kind she has so she gets the right meds.
Your Mom will not be able to continue to live alone. If your not living with her 24/7 you may not be seeing her sundowning that happens late afternoon early evening. She may put a pot on the stove and forget it. She may start wandering. Dementia is very unpredictable.
Who is mom's POA at present? Has she designated one? Has she done a will and an advance directive?
One of the important reasons for diagnosis would be that, if your mom is failing and entering into a time when she may no longer be competent in her own protection, nor capable of judging her safety to live alone, she will need a family member to act for her protection. Now is the time when she must appoint people to act for her if the time comes she cannot act in her own behalf.
This is a time of high anxiety. Allow your mom to express this and don't negate her feelings of worry. Assure her you will all be there to support her in every step of her life. Don't lie to her. Cushion the truth as gently as you are able, but this is, imho a time for honesty. Anxiety is normal. When you think of it, cradle to grave, there are many passages in our lives that cause us pain and worry. This is just another one.
https://www.dementiacarers.ca/when-the-person-with-dementia-doesnt-know-they-have-limitations-anosognosia/
The truth is, your mom is not in good health with dementia and now needs to use her LTC insurance she's paid handsomely for all this time, to get in home help before a crisis occurs. Help with cooking, cleaning, showers etc will be needed as time goes on and memory loss becomes more profound.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
ThUnderstanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck to you!
My mom has had 2 Nuro-psyc exams post stroke. I wish she had had one prior to the stroke so we had a baseline but it was never mentioned. I don’t believe a “type” of dementia can be diagnosed simply with one of these exams and in our case they referred to memory loss and logical thinking rather than labeling it dementia. Now in our case Mom has aphasia resulting from the stroke so it was difficult in some areas to know wether the problem was her getting the words out correctly or her actual thinking which is why it would have been helpful to have one of these prior to the stroke. The results and result consultation with the examiner focused more on her areas of strength and areas of concern when it came to her living alone again and on her own. We of course knew she couldn’t be as independent as she had been prior but this gave us all a place to go from and her the information based on the exam rather than her kids. She couldn’t reason out calling the fire department for instance if there were a fire or calling one of us never mind a service if she had no heat in the winter, she was unsafe on her own. It also helped solidify why she wasn’t going to be able to drive again. The other thing it did is show areas of improvement with speech therapy and time as well as areas of backslide from the prior exam.
If you are interested in exploring possible medications to help slow progression or help anxiety from our experience a Geriatric Psycatrist or therapist is the way to go (she had been on depression medication for many years prior to stroke) and if you are looking for an actual diagnosis of type and progression of dementia a neurologist will need to be involved I think for combining brain scans and symptoms but the cat is definitely out of the bag wit a neurologist doing a through exam. The neurologist was the only one who came rite out made it clear to Mom he assumed she has dementia. Somehow the label is far harder to hear and she argued with him and left in tears, everyone else including us refer to her thinking, memory issues as being since the stroke. She accepts that she has cognitive issues but as a result of the stroke like her speech, this is not a lie aphasia affects her brain but we know she also has dementia going on, in the end it doesn’t really matter what’s the source or type is the fact is she has cognitive issues and we work from there.
And most folks your moms age do have some memory issues just due to old age.
If she is diagnosed with some form of dementia, you don't have to share that with her if you think it will upset her.
My late husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2018, and I never told him. He knew things were "off" with himself, but I don't think he knew he had dementia, and I was ok with that.
In their case it was the right way for doctors to handle it as they had 24/7 care in the home already due to other issues. I was never in doubt once their symptoms started and I’m no expert, but the difference from normal is profound. They were no longer the same people and I didn’t expect them to be.
I am a realist in other areas of my life, so it carried over.
Mom’s doctor said don’t tell her , due to her narcissism .
FIL doctor told him and FIL became irate.
We don’t bring up dementia to him .
See All Answers