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All the best of luck!
Does she have friends who are living in a senior community?
It's your house. You don't need permission to sell your home, downsize and retire. Start by hiring a realtor. Getting a realtor will make it real. Make finding your mother new living arrangements that work for both of you as much of a priority as getting your house ready for sale. What can she afford?
I would keep the conversation matter of fact, something like: "Mom, I've decided that in # months I want to retire and have hired a realtor to sell my house. I want you to know that we have plenty of time to get you settled in a new place. We have made many good memories here and I'm selling this house while those memories are still good. I've gone over the numbers, and there are # retirement communities that fit the budget. We have appointments to go see them next week."
It's not an easy conversation to have. It's not a one-time conversation either. You need to stick to your message and keep saying the same thing over and over again to anything your mother says that tries to derail you from your decision to sell your house, retire and downsize.
Have you identified somewhere you want to move into and there's just not enough room for Mom? Would you want to continue caring for Mom if you had enough space and some help? Or have your own issues reached the point you can no longer meet your mother's needs?
If you haven't already, I strongly suggest you contact your Area Agency on Aging (AAA) and see what services are available. Perhaps with bathing assistance, adult day care, and/or some in home care hours, you would to able to continue caring for Mom in your home if you prefer. Alternatively, AAA may be able to find a facility your Mom would like, maybe an AL instead of a NH. AAA may also be able to help you find an affordable apartment.
Older people worry about being abandoned and your mother may see NH placement as a form of abandonment. Reassure your mother NH placement is for her safety and direct care needs; that you wish you could continue to care for her in your home but that your own aging and finances are making that very difficult; that you will visit her often in NH and make sure she receives good care.
Saying "mom, I can't do this anymore" is hard. But clearly, it has to be done.