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Instead pick out the one the family thinks is best, get their room their set up with some of their favorite things and family photos and move them in.
Often the person needing MC is told a fib that they need to stay while some work is done on their house , if they are likely to forget . Others just “ take LO to lunch “ and are then brought to their new apartment .
I went to her AL room while she was at meals and at activities and prepared everything--measured her furniture to figure out what would fit in her new MC room and where to place everything, went through her belongings to determine what to keep and what to donate/discard, and made a list of things to purchase for her new room. Then I started removing the donate/discard items and dealing with them. My mother never noticed that anything was going missing.
My out of state sister came to town, and we started moving Mom's belongings to her new room. (We opted to pay a little extra to have a few days of overlap between the lease dates, and that facilitated the preparation of the new room.) Over the course of about three days, we pretty much stripped Mom's AL room bare of everything except furniture and personal hygiene items. Again, Mom never noticed.
On the day the movers came to move the furniture, my sister took Mom out to Walmart and then to lunch. The movers moved the furniture, and I set everything up/put everything away.
My sister brought Mom back to the building, and brought her to the MC unit, and we welcomed her to her new room. It went surprisingly well, and she is settling in and adapting.
If you are POA then moving the person with dementia to Memory Care is in their best interest, for their safety and possibly as well as the safety of other family members.
Moving a person to Memory Care, or to any facility that will care for the person is not a easy, quick decision. It is one fraught with "guilt", grief, and at last excepting that the care of this person is more than you can manage at home.
Now if you are talking about discussing with one parent the need to move a spouse that is a different matter and it is one that you need to get them to acknowledge that they can not care for their spouse alone, you can no longer help to the degree that needs to be met. That can be a tough talk. If this is the case try to come up with options that can be tried. Caregivers, Adult Day Care, Respite Stays any of these might help....for a little while.
that I am looking into a caregiver for 6 hours a week. She in no uncertain terms told me “over her dead body”! My answer is that when the time comes i will let someone she trusts work the issue, like her doctor or her children.
To me the conversation takes place as we age and just start memory loss so there are no surprises. BUT, my grandfather simply needed his "special things" in his room and all was well for the most part.
For everyone I have seen / heard with dementia, there are moments of lucidity and conversations can be had during those times. REALLY LISTENING for the nuances that tell you "this" is a special item, not asking, but observing. My mother will need her paintings, her bed, her dresser and the clothes she wears regularly. She will also need her jewelry (nothing expensive) that hangs on the wall as decoration.
Each person is a little different, but acknowledging the good of a facility - company of people that could be "friends", not having LO at home to disrupt everything - and valuing LO's "special things" are important.
None of it is easy. Acknowledging that we are not "sending them away", will visit (if you really will). Listening, not talking has gotten me farther that anything...with LO, with sisters, with caregivers.
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