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I wonder if there's some time he could give to her that's special. Is there something she needs, some specific attention, that could be something that he and she only do, together? If you could find something like that, that he and she are comfortable with, that gives you more time to do other things, teaches him some generational lessons, and gives her special time with her grandchild.
Start with him and ask him if he's willing to help you a little and if he could suggest something. Because, if he does it willingly and with a little joy, it's the only way he and she will learn from it and enjoy it.
Go moment to moment. We remember the moments...
Remaining ever present....It is the only way to live in the moment-it is all we have. What a wonderful gift-we just forget, only to remember....IT IS THE GIFT OF LIFE.
I have to wonder if each is feeling pushed-out by the other. If you're trying to manage this, you're just going to have to do your best. Maybe you tell each that there are certain activities that they both get your individual time on. And, maybe you enforce a family outing once every week or two that brings the three of you together.
Of course, within that, don't forget to schedule time for yourself. It seems hard when you're stretched so many ways but it can help give you the break you need from being part of what sounds like a little tug of war.
Its overwhelming. Whenever I get ready to go out my father starts trying to get attention. When he sees he is being annoying he goes out of his way to get on your nerves even more...
Yes, I believe your 12 year old needs you... but I also think your mother needs you as well.
Please find a way to incorporate both of them into your life. You will be much richer for the experience... and so will they!
My grandson (whom I have custody of), is just turning 13 this week. He was my greatest ally in helping with mother during her decline into the horrible world of Alzheimer's. I hated to put him through this. But do you know what happened? I ended up with a young man who learned about compassion, and strength, and love. He learned that its important to take care of our elderly. He learned to not be selfish.
Did he have to make sacrifices? Yes. We all did. But he came away from the experience with SO much more than he went into it with!
I made time to do some things with him so he didn't feel as if he was being shorted (soccer, movies, ball, etc.). My husband did extra things with him. Even though I ended up living in a separate house from my hubby and him for almost 2 years... he spent a LOT of nights crashed on my mom's couch so we could spend quality time together.
If you forsake one for the other... you'll regret it. It may be difficult... but isn't anything worth having worth working for?
Good luck.
The thing is, there isn't anyone else who can be your child's mother. There are lots of people - starting with your brother, but not just him - who can be enlisted to provide the care and support your mother needs. She's still living at her own home, is that right? It sounds as if it's time to investigate what services you can arrange to help her stay safe and well.
The only thing I'd add to everyone else's excellent advice is that it won't do your 12 year old any harm to contribute his or her presence for an hour or two, or a meal time - just occasionally, not every weekend, and not all day - to his/her grandmother's life. Yes, boring; yes, no child's idea of a fun afternoon; but it's a good deed, and it might create some lasting memories to treasure one day.
And, I'm afraid, you can't make everybody happy - so you just have to do what you think is right. C'est la vie. And don't fall for that martyr's trick of thinking that if it's what you prefer it necessarily can't be the virtuous option. Your happiness is important too.
You need to find another care option for your mom on weekend even if it just for a few hours. Pack a lunch, go to the zoo, ball game, museum, with your CHILD! This child is growing up in challenging circumstances. You must find a way to do the things the child wants to do.
You need to find another care option for your mom on weekend even if it just for a few hours. Pack a lunch, go to the zoo, ball game, museum, with your CHILD! This child is growing up in challenging circumstances. You must find a way to do the things the child wants to do.