By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I am sorry for what you are going through.
It can be as simple as going for a walk each day or just sitting outside on your porch or patio, or going to lunch or supper with friends, or going to church. You get the picture and the point; you need to step away from it when you can.
The biggest mistake long time caregivers make is not taking time for themselves and doing things that they enjoy. And yes even in the face of death you can still do and find things that bring you joy. It's so important that you do.
And I speak from experience. I cared for my late husband for over 24 years and the last 22 months of his life he was completely bedridden in our living room and under hospice care.
I was told multiple times over those months and even prior, that my husband would be dead soon, but it took him 22 long months before he finally did. And yes it was hard to watch him deteriorate before my eyes, but I had learned(the hard way)earlier on the importance of self-care during my caregiving journey, so I made sure that I was getting out regularly with friends, going to church, the grocery store and just sitting outside, as I knew I needed that to rejuvenate my soul so I could see this journey through to the end. And I did.
I also had the advantage of being a part of a local caregiver support group, and that was invaluable.
Please talk to the hospice chaplain and social worker as they are there for YOU, more so than for your mom.
If hospice is coming every day it must mean that they believe that your mom doesn't have much more time left here on earth, so in a weird way there is light at the end of your very long tunnel.
If you're like me, when my husband finally did die, there was a combination of relief and grief, and I can only imagine it will be the same for you. And it's ok to be relieved, so please don't beat yourself up when you feel that way.
Oh and one more thing if hospice feels your mom will be dying soon you can request that she be brought to their hospice facility where they will keep her comfortable until she dies. Those homes are very beautiful and peaceful, and if she dies within the week Medicare will cover the cost 100%. After that if you want her to remain there, there will be a daily charge which is paid out of pocket.
Hang in there, and please take care of yourself.
God bless you.
What you are experiencing is what happens when we elect to have a LO die at home. It’s the reason that many of us choose for them to be in a facility for the last days of their lives.
Do you have the choice for her to go to a hospice facility? You could be there whenever you like. Mom would have a team of kind professionals to care for her, and you wouldn’t be subject to the daily misery of waiting alone for the inevitable.
Find a counselor, a support group, reach out to get some support from friends (if they've all gone by the wayside, as often happens when chronic illness is in the picture, then look for a hobby where you can get out of the house and out of your head and be with other people--craft class, join a local hiking group, wine & painting, karaoke...).
My mother tells the story of telling her own father that she's ok, and that it is time for him to rest and go see her mother now, he passed that night. Maybe your mom needs to be given permission.
One more thing, sending many hugs your way.
I don't know how you do this. I don't think it's a good thing to set all day, waiting for someone to die.
What is your mother's diagnosis,? What is her prognosis? Has her doctor or Hospice given you any sense of how imminent her death is?
Can you get out, go to the library or got a walk when the hospice folks come each day?
Do you have someone to talk to, like the Hospice Chaplain or Social Worker? Have you looked into respite care?