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"Everyone loves to bash nursing homes and how horrible they are."
It isn't everyone, just a sad few who sing the same old tired song. It really gets tedious. Voice your opinion, fine, you feel home care is best. That's YOUR opinion and your right to say, but stop there. Painting every facility as some kind of prison death camp is just plain WRONG.
"I have to laugh, because as I am writing this answer, an ad came on tv for a local senior services business and a man holding a fluffy dog said, “call me to age in place with style and grace.” False advertising is all I can say."
Got a laugh from me as well! I don't watch TV, so I haven't seen that, but I would call it deceptive advertising. SOME elders can age in place, nicely and gracefully, with help, either from family or hired care givers. BUT, many can't or won't.
Thank you for taking the time to post this comment!!!
"something" does not always mean a "nursing home"
You would look for a place that would meet the level of care that they need.
**There is Independent Living. I am going to assume that since they are with you and caring for them is wearing you out this is not an option.
** There is Assisted Living. Depending on what kind of help they both need this might be an option.
**There is Memory Care. If either or both have dementia this would be your best option. they will get the care they need in a safe environment.
**There is Skilled Nursing. This would be what most people would consider a "nursing home" This is for people that have medical problems that can not be addressed by staff of Memory Care, Assisted Living.
ALL of these are a far cry form what they might have seen 20 years ago.
Take tours.
Talk to people.
If you see families coming and going stop them and ask questions. If you see residents stop and talk to them. Go at a time that might not be "ideal" for a tour. Early in the morning, lunch time, dinner time. Ask to have a meal.
Ask the same questions that you would ask if you were placing your infant in a Day Care Center.
Look at the Medicare website and look at reviews and ratings. Check Social Media.
**And search to see if there are any smaller group homes that would be a good fit. They are usually smaller, fewer residents. But that has drawbacks as well.
**And look into the possibility of caregivers that will come in often enough that it will help you and take much of the burden from you.
I was told when I asked that question early in my journey that if you are asking the question then it is time.
1--I assume w my mom's stroke we'll be talking AL if we can't manage her at home at some point, not lesser levels of care, rigbt?
2--Is it "OK" to just drop into a facility uannounced to look around or am I likely to be turned around at the door?
Txs
My own Mom went into a nursing home as she needed around the clock care by experts knowing how to deal with all the different types of situations. My Dad moved into senior living, and later he moved into Memory Care. That way I was able to return to being a "daughter". Caregiving is so very exhausting and I wasn't even hands-on. I don't know how people do it.
1 - Are you physically, emotionally, and financially capable of caring for your parents 24/7/365?
2 - Do you have a supportive group of family members, friends, members of your faith community... that will take over care of your parents for hours or days if needed?
3 - Do you and/or your parents have enough finances to pay for home health aides for 20-40 hours a week? If you are working full or part time, you may need paid help to care for them while you work.
4 - Do you and your parents get along well and share similar values and views? If you do not get along well now, it won't necessarily get better when they live with you?
5 - Do you have your own retirement, and long term care needs, secured? If not, you may do better to work full time for more years rather than care for them full time.
6 - Generally, your loved ones' need full time residential care:
when their care requires professional care or care you are unable to provide,
when you can not get enough sleep (7-9 hours every night) because of round the clock care,
when your health deteriorates so that you must prioritize caring for yourself,
and when the financial or emotional burden becomes to much to bear.
Thank you for posting this!
"Taking care of mom and dad and it is wearing me out. I am tired and I want to run away or to stop going to help. I feel so guilty for my thoughts."
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both parties. It doesn't sound like it's working for you. It should not come at a cost to you. It should not be onerous. Do you think your parents would want you to be worn down to a nub for their sake?
Today's nursing homes and care philosophies are much improved from when your parents remember them. Those memories are what strike fear in most elderly. I suggest you tour a few local to you to get a sense that they can be pretty nice and well run. Often seniors thrive there because they have all their needs met, aren't feeling guilty for having LOs orbit around them, and have much more social exposure and activities.
Or, have you considered in-home aids to give you a break? Agencies can provide all levels of caregiving. If cost is an issue, you may want to contact social services for their county to see if they qualify for any services that would bring some relief. It's ok to just do a little research now so that you're not doing it during a crisis. May you gain wisdom over this decision and peace in your heart no matter what is decided.