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Then when we were alone and she was a little more cognizant, I explained to her what happened and why we couldn't go there anymore.
As time went on, she connected the tone of my voice with, she needs to stop talking. When I saw that she was batter behaved, I could try the location and situation again.
For me, it is a constant trial and error and stay flexible with any plans I make.
There comes a time when the person with Alzheimer's/dementia cannot be taken out in public anymore.
The 'LO' should no be around people who aren't family anymore. If she is going to be around people outside of the family warn them in advance on what to expect from her.
Also, I agree with cwillie. If you do have to take her out in public like to a doctor's appointment or something and the "comments" start, correct her immediately and apologize to whoever she is making the comments about when able.
I had many care clients with dementia who would just say terrible things in general to no actual person in particular, but people hearing it would be shocked.
I'd handle it in the moment by telling them that no one cares what they think and to keep their opinion to themselves. That usually worked in the moment. If not, I'd just make an announcement to anyone within earshot.
I once had to get up and announce to an entire doctor's office waiting room that the person making racial slurs and speaking offensively has dementia and is out of it and please ignore her.
The client got rather angered by this, but she quited down because she was embarrassed. Sometimes this worked, sometimes not.
I agree with you on most parts, but not about the "too bad for these ignorant people who don't want to hear the reality of the situation AZ."
Why should people at say a restaurant or a store have to hear the reality of it?
When the Alzheimer's is at a point where the person's comments are hurting and upsetting strangers' lives the only public places they should be seeing is the inside of a doctor's office or an adult day care center. Really.
Family is a different story, but strangers shouldn't have to tolerate it. Businesses shouldn't have to either.
I no longer dine at 'family style' restaurants. Know why? Because I've had too many experiences of families taking an elder with dementia. The elder is slopping their food all over the place or has to be fed (which is equally disgusting when you're trying to eat yourself), and if they're incontinent and crap themselves, well I'm sure you get a picture.
The other people eating are not being ignorant because this makes them sick and puts them off their food. It makes me sick and puts me off my food too and I was a caregiver for 25 years.
The family still taking these poor people out in public are the ignorant ones.
At some point one of two things will happen.
1)Friends and acquaintances will realize that it is the Alzheimer's and let slide the remarks made.
(Or you just decide they are not worth associating with any longer)
2) You decide it is not worth the trouble to get you LO out to the store or to dinner and you begin spending more time at home and invite people over that do understand the "quirks" of a person with dementia.