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He was “looking for others experiences in dealing with my particular situation”. There are many people who can relate to negativity from a spouse, and will respond. However you can’t get much help from people who are totally confused about the “particular situation”.
He ‘thanks me for my input’, which is fair enough if he really means the suggestion for clarity.
1) Ron Hochhauser and ‘friend’ actually live together in the AL. No other reason given for house sharing.
2) Ron wants to sort out everyone else who lives in the AL, who he thinks are social under-achievers. We have his full name, he is no shrinking violet.
3) Ron’s idea of good things to discuss are not shared by everyone else. His choice of Trivia, and his ‘experience as an AmeriCorps Volunteer’, may go down like a lead balloon with some people.
4) The lack of general acclaim is why Ron is spending so much ‘time in his room’.
5) This poor woman doesn’t feel able to complain openly about this intrusive behavior, but wishes he would just shut up.
The post and profile can read this way, just as easily as the general assumptions the other way in the replies.
I put a softer ‘what if’ post originally, and this morning was frustrated that every answer is dumping on a woman who may be restraining herself from making a justifiable complaint to management. Answers to my previous questions could have helped.
I call it out directly by asking loudly (preferably in front of others) this question:
What the hell is your problem?
Bring the aggression a little bit. Don't ask her kindly or try to see things through her eyes.
Just a plain, old 'What the hell is your problem?' is all you need sometimes.
The snide comments do affect a person no matter how well you ignore them. Don't live with that anymore.
You sound like a nice person from what your profile says and it's a nice idea to try and make a social group for the people in the AL.
Your first priority should be getting away from the snide, negative loser you live with.
After you've done this, go and arrange that socialization group for the people in the AL and exclude her from joining it.
If it’s a shared house, perhaps it’s time for you and your friend to live separately. You can continue to care about her without living with her.
If this is all happening in the AL facility, perhaps she resents you trying to take responsibility for this ‘discussion group’. Many people in AL are quite independent, and might have some objections, particularly if it takes over a common space. What does the management think about it?
Some more details might help.
Even if you walk away to another room, you'll have heard part of it. That's what they want, to wear and tear you down.
The only thing you can do is less contact (for example, ear plugs, or physically going away), or no contact, if you truly want to distance yourself from nasty remarks. In other words, the only thing you can do is not hear the nasty remarks in the first place. By the way, nasty looks are just as damaging. Often the nasty person will use an artillery (it's a war against you) of strategies: nasty looks, snide remarks, silent treatment, retaliation, triangulation, ignoring you, flying monkeys...
You get the picture.
It's a war out there.
You may just have to get snide back. Hard though if that is not ur nature. You could just get up and walk away. My Mom just had a look that you knew she was not happy. As said a lot on this forum, people treat u the way you let them.
Can u give examples.