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You can only do what you can do, based on the information you have at the time. It does no good to second-guess the situation. You will anyway, but realize that doesn't get you anywhere or save mom from her ultimate fate.
I hope she does well at rehab. She's lucky to have a daughter who cares.
Now I have to ask you a few questions.
When you make a decision for mom are you making the decision with her best interest in mind?
If you answer yes that is all you can do.
Do you do the best that you can for her each day?
If you answered yes that is all that you can ask of yourself.
Is she fed? Is she clean? Is she cared for?
If you answered yes to those 3 you are doing what you are supposed to do.
The facilitator of the Support Group that a friend and I now Chair always said..."Don't should on yourself"
If you make a decision with the information that you have that is all anyone, even you, can ask of yourself. If information changes that can alter a decision but it should not invalidate one previously made.
I always said if I did the best that I could each day I can put my head on my pillow and sleep well.
Go easy on yourself. Be kind to yourself,.
You cannot be guilt-tripped by anyone unless you agree to be taken on that journey.
I stopped letting myself be taken on a guilt-trip by learning how to be honest with myself and by accepting myself as I am.
When people learn how to do this, they rarely feel guilt unless they've truly done something wrong that negatively affected the life of someone else.
Part of being honest with yourself and accepting yourself is to stop micromanaging yourself and stop the self-imposed guilt-trips.
Be honest with yourself. Are you doing the best you can for your mother because it's what you want and you choose it? Ask yourself that. If she needs more care than you can provide, that's not your fault. You did not make that happen.
She may need to be in placed in a care facility now. It would not be because you don't love her and weren't taking good care of her.
It would be because you can't produce miracles. None of us can. Only God can do that.
Will you try doing something kind for yourself today? Like caling a friend and going for coffee? Or buy yourself something nice that you like? Or treating yourself to a movie? Or anything.
You're doing the best you can and no one, not even you, can expect or demand better than that. If your mother needs more than you can give her, help to get for her.
We do what we can as well as we can and I am sure we all feel we fall short. You did not cause her UTI its part of aging. And we older women do not have the same symptoms that younger women have, the itching and burning. What you can do is try to prevent them. My Mom was placed on cranberry tablets (no juice has sugar) and a probiotic. In the year she was taking these before her passing, she had no UTIs. Water, as much as she will drink. I keep a bottle near me and just sip on it. Make sure she voids completely. Have her sit a little longer till she feels the urge again. Leaning forward helps to void completely. BMs clean up with a wipe after using toilet paper. I like Huggies, big and thick.
Mannose-D is sworn to work by a member.
It MAY have hit YOU hardest after your loved one passed. Everyone's experience will be different.
I would say: Be as present as possible in each moment. I believe what you are referring to is grief / grieving - after the loved one passes.
They can also temporarily affect mobility and increase the risk of falls.
also appreciate your perspective.. that we experience these types of feelings because we love so deeply. That’s beautiful