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I'm an introvert (not really shy - just need periods of time to recharge after using up my "other people energy"). One thing I really hate about the cell phone era is everybody has this expectation now that you will be available 24/7!!! And some people get really annoyed if they can't reach you immediately! I like having a phone with me wherever I am, but I really hate this availability expectation. My "system" is designed to discourage it, lol.
I think it is because we are in a situation where we are lost on what to do depending on what the telephone call was about. We never had training on this. There are no mentors standing next to us telling us how to manage the call. So we just panic. It's just our nature. Some can let such calls roll off their backs. NOT ME.
Oh those 3 a.m. calls. Unnecessary unless one of my parents was being transported to the ER. Calls about falls where there was no injury could wait until a decent hour.... but I do realize a senior facility gets pretty busy first thing in the morning. I even asked if such calls could be eliminated, no, it was State law. Oh great, no way I could get back to sleep, so there were a lot of sleepless nights.
My doctor kept suggesting I take something to calm me down, but I refused. Now I could kick myself for not taking her recommendation. See what your doctor would recommend and give it a try, it might do wonders.
When the NH called, the first thing they said was “everything is OK.” Maybe when the group home calls you, it’s not a good thing, but it’s not always a traumatic disaster either. Take a deep breath when you see the caller I.d. and just answer the phone. They found the UTI and treated it. They cared for him when he fell. They’re handling it, by law they have to notify you. But not to freak you out. As time goes on, you will learn how to take this in your stride. Nursing homes often have staff who help families, too. My saving grace was the Director of Nursing. He was wonderful to talk to!
I had a bit of a meltdown with the renal unit social worker, one day after receiving 4 phone calls from a nurse in the span of an hour, all to ask me to pick some meds up for mom that day because of a change. Which I could have done the next day. (Plus when I got there, they weren't supposed to be for pick-up - I was supposed to bring in mom's blister pack so they could remove one of the meds....which I could have done myself....yeah, it was a bad day. I illegally parked in a taxi zone to get to the pharmacy before it closed, too.) The SW did some intervention with a bunch of people on my behalf. I maybe get one or two calls a week now.
So if there is someone you can talk to about reducing the number of calls, it can help. I doubt you even have to have a meltdown like I did.
At that time, she was nuts and directing all or her ire at me, the one who was doing everything for her. So, no phone. When we get her on the right meds (including an anti-delusional), she calmed down and is now her old self. In the meantime, she is completely used to having no phone. I don't think she eve knows that others have phones.
When the "place" calls, the first words they say are "Mom's ok." Then I am at once calm and receptive.
Great topic, BTW!
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