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I just looked up the ‘world’s longest marriage.’ Read the story, it’s amazing! A 105 year old woman said goodbye to her 110 year old husband, married 79 years! Wow! They lived together in Quito, Ecuador. He died in 2020. Their children said that they missed how things were before the pandemic, when hugs weren’t frightening 😟.
I believe that we definitely have soul connections with our mates. These bonds are stronger than we might think.
The OP’s parents were married for the majority of their lives! Imagine losing your partner after being with them for so long.
I think it is perfectly normal to feel this way. They were together for so very long. I am now married 43 years and I can’t imagine being without my husband whenever we will be separated by death.
A couple of years ago, mom lost her husband and my brother and I lost our father. Mom and dad had been married for 66+ years. In January he was Dx with CHF, AFIB, leaky heart valve +. Dad was 91 and when he got home from hospital he said he was done - no more active treatment, no rehab he just wanted to die. We got him on hospice and he died about 6 or 7 months later. We had time to prepare for his death and while sad mom was strong - didn't even want me to spend the night with her.
On the other hand my husband tells me that after his father died he and the rest of the family worried that their mom would die of grief from her loss - they also had about 6 mos to prepare for the inevitable loss. Hubby's father was considerably younger than my father was when he died.
Take care and may God bless each of you with peace, grace and love.
Do your best to help the healthier parent care for the other parent and give him/her time to grieve when the time comes. Remember the good times together. If they have a lot of pictures, make a photo album that highlights all the good times, so you can reminisce together and alone.
Be there for the surviving parent when they need you, without trying to blanket it all. It is part of life and we all have to experience it at some point. That doesn't make it easier, but each person has their own way to cope with it. Allow him/her time alone, but encourage getting him/her out for activities too. Sitting alone, dwelling on it all the time will only delay the process. There will be times of grief that well up, but over time it will get a little better. Activity, even just getting out of the house, going for a walk or drive with the surviving parent, out for a bite to eat, doing something you both enjoy, it will give the mind a break.
You are blessed for sure to have such a great example set before you by your parents of love and perseverance. Often times when couples have been married as long as your parents have, when one dies, the other follows shortly thereafter, as they don't want to go on without one another. I find that very sweet actually.
Praying for God's peace to be with you as you journey through this time of grief.
Now, if it had been my father who was dealing with my mom in that regard, oh boy, it would have been totally different. I don’t think my father would have handled it well. He would have totally fallen apart. He absolutely adored my mother and couldn’t imagine life without her.
Do you think that your parent would benefit from speaking with a social worker or clergy? Or any other form of support?
What about you? Do you feel that you you would feel better if you discussed your situation with a therapist, social worker or clergy?
Wishing you peace during this transitional time in your lives. It’s hard. We are never fully prepared. My father died many years ago and my mom died recently. I am glad that they are reunited again in the afterlife.