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She's stressed and sad and probably burned out. Maybe she needs a respite break.
I realize this isn't what you probably want to hear. It's a hard situation to be in your shoes and your mom's. Pretty much it just sucks for everyone and there aren't a lot of good answers. Probably no good answers. I'm sorry.
Leave your parents alone to work out their own lives and their own issues. There's nothing you can do about any of it anyway, so why drive yourself crazy? Your mother CAN be medicated for OCD, but if she's anything like mine, she wouldn't hear of 'helping herself'.
Wishing you the best of luck.
What I said was "I'm seeking advise from others who may have had similar situations, knowing that every situation and person is different."
Your situation sounds similar, yes but it's different.
So, knowing my mom says this is wearing on her and she doesn't know how long she can do this for I'm watching. There will likely come a time she can't do it anymore. It's not so easy to ship someone off to a Board and Care when they don't have the funds to pay for it, there is no long term care for them so it will drain the savings they have. The longer my dad can stay at home the better off they are financially. Repeating to my mom that she has chosen to do all of the extra work so frequently is her choice and it seems to be slowly making her think about it and back off. She is 92 but also is still pretty sharp and has some short term memory issues, doesn't everyone at that age?
It's a no win situation.
I would like to add one more point. This is your mom’s life. It is just as hard for her. Being a caregiver is tough. It has become a pattern. One that is hard to break. How do I know? I was a caregiver to my mom in my home for 15 years. She is following her routine. I’m sorry if it is excessive in certain areas. Yes, repetition is unnerving.
It’s a huge responsibility to care for someone and unless you have walked in that person’s shoes you really don’t have a clue. I know that I didn’t understand before being a hands on caregiver what it entailed.
She is overseeing your dad’s wellbeing and is his advocate to his doctors. The doctor speaks to the caregiver as much as he does the patient so she wants to make sure that your dad is following the doctor’s orders. I can guarantee this is exhausting for your mom as it was for me.
Maybe her approach isn’t the best. The stress of caregiving can take it’s toll on a person. Too much togetherness is hard on both of your parents. Does your mom get a break? Is she getting enough sleep and so on? All of this factors into her behavior? If she is burning out she needs relief. Talk about some alternatives. The OCD behavior may also be a coping mechanism for her.
I am not in any way trying to be unkind. I am only giving you my perspective as a former caregiver. Please tell us any other pertinent information about the situation so we can help you. Others will offer solutions as well.
All the best to you and your family.