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The fear of falling, be careful about the soap the person is using. Too many "moisturizing soaps" have oils in them that can make the floor of the tub/shower slippery, even if there is a tub/shower mat.
And, of course, make sure grab bars are installed.
My daughter in an RN in NHs. She says its better to let them "think" they made the choice "Mrs. Jones would you not like to be all clean and fresh and have nice fresh clothes put on?" Mrs Jones "yes".
If u can get her that shower you might want to take her to a hair dresser and have her hair washed there. They have brushes that can be used on the scalp to help get rid of the flakes. People who have Dementia, I feel, become like small children. Like children, they do not like water on their face or soap in their eyes.
If you want to break the refusal habbit, outnumbering may work.
Eg Have 2 caregivers arranged for the first shower. Safer too. Can even do 1 bad copy 1 good cop.
Being outnumbered in the bathroom they offen give in. Once given in, it may set the precident for success going forward. Then can reduce back to 1 caregiver.
Dementia or not, giving over to others is the issue.
Oh my I got called some nasty names that day. A hussy for one. Her husband was so embarrassed.
I realize this may not work as this woman has dug her heels in .
This refusing showers is often what lands them to be placed in a nursing home . Maybe the family can tell her that if she doesn’t cooperate with you she will go to a nursing home .
Can you hire someone to do that for you?