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There are only certain choices that are going to be on offer here. Having brother remain in the home proving care on his own MIGHT be what mom wants and the OP might think it's best, but the brother isn't willing to provide his services any longer.
So the OP is going to have to make choices based on what the mom's financial resources will allow for
I have my family as an example of how we worked it out. It wasn't perfect nor can everyone do this.
There seems to be a lot of animosity on both sides that I think needs to get worked out.
decisions in her behalf when she can’t.
My brother did all the heavy lifting as he lived closest to mom when she was at home, in IL and ultimately in a NH.
I deferred to him in decision making, since he knew her finances and he was the only one who had even the remotest possiblity of being able to house her.
It would not occur to me to try to decide that it was "best" for my mom to remain in her home with care coming in if I wasn't on the scene to supervise, step in in the case of a call out.
Since mom has been deemed incompetent to make medical decisions, it seems like it's up to the POAs (all of them ( to determine where mom is best housed and cared for.
I think you should talk to your brother about what sort of facility he has in mind and how it will be paid for.
IMO brother holds the purse strings so he would be the one to admit Mom to a facility knowing her financials. Your responsibility is to speak with Moms doctors and make sure they are abiding by her wishes. If there is a decision to make concerning Moms health, then u make it based on what you know Mom would want. You also speak to the nurses at the facility concerning Moms health needs.
Mom is still allowed to speak on her own behalf - until if/when guardianship has been appointed by a judge.
So, what does mom want?
This has been I think an ongoing problem for you?
The best way to settle things when there are two people with legal powers is to attend an attorney together and sort this out. We as members of a Forum, often from other states and other countries would be of very little help to you in instances where there is disagreement and legal papers in place for your both. Do see an attorney. It's my opinion that your brother, will general POA will prevail. But the only way to know is to check on it. Legal questions require expert advice.
Knowing why he can’t live with her anymore and what his living plans are if Mom goes in a facility would be helpful to you . Start talking .
When was the last time you saw your mom? I mean, stayed a few days and observed her condition?
How does it benefit brother to place mom? Doesn't he then lose his rent free place?
Does he have a facility picked out?
Why doesn't mom change POA to someone else if she doesn't agree with him?
I saw my mother about one month ago.
I do not know my brother's plans once she is admitted to some place. For example, does he intend to stay at her home where he has been living for the past 10 years rent free and continue to drive her car or have a place picked out he can move to. (my mother never had a formal written contract with him when he moved in years ago but perhaps something oral).He has some medical issues making things harder. We do not want to over-stress him while doing our best to advocate for our mother.
You DON’T “understand burnout“ because you are not doing the caregiving .
I suggest taking Mom to your home and giving your brother a break while this is ironed out . Then you can say you understand what it’s like to live with someone with dementia .
It’s a lot tougher to “ deal with” caregiving than reading “nasty texts, emails , and degrading comments “.